Look After Her
by MX5
Summary: Hopefully revised for the last time! Originally was a time traveling fiction but I could not make it work so I edited it out rather sloppily. Katrina Van Doren is the only doctor on Titanic, she falls for Will Murdoch yet he doesn't survive the sinking. Eventually she realizes she has feelings for someone else.. her life story from Titanic forward. T for teen because of swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Look After Her

1. Belfast (Prologue)

After it being a particularly late night last night, I woke up only because I heard some unfamiliar things. Was that a horn screeching somewhere? Momentarily foggy, I was asking myself what ship was I on when I picked up my purse. A card slipped out and it read Katrina Van Doren, Ship's Surgeon. There was a picture of me as well! What the hell was going on here? I focused in on the fine print.

CURRENT ASSIGNMENT: RMS _Titanic_

EDUCATION: London School of Medicine

YEARS IN PRACTICE: 5

A knock on the door sounded and I stole a glance at myself in the mirror. Not bad. My green eyes were the same, though my curly hair was longer, about to my shoulder blades. I was wearing a frilly nightgown and I spied a robe in the corner. Pulling it on, I tied the sash and opened up the door.

A ruddy-faced steward stood there and beamed at me. "Beggin' your pardon, Miss, but there's been a bit of an accident on the bridge. Can you come?"

"Of course. Let me throw on a dress and I'll be right there." I shut the door, stripped off the robe and nightgown, then pulled on a white shirt with a tartan skirt. Putting on the lace up boots women wore those days was a bit of a hassle, but my years of experience wearing all sorts of things on my feet served me well. I managed to trap the errant laces, tie them up neatly, then I picked up the medical bag and my greatcoat. I shut and locked my door, put the key on a chain around my neck, tucked it into my shirt neckline, then went with the steward to the bridge.

On the way, I tied my hair back into a simple ponytail and ascertained the fact that it was nighttime and we were in Belfast Lough for the sea trials. I saw the Irish coast, looking beguiling in all its green glory, and I had to smile for a minute as I walked past. I could smell the cedar and pine from the forests, I heard the birds chirping as they prepared to go to bed, and I saw a few ducks straggling about in front of the ship.

One quandry solved. We were at anchor in the Lough.

"In here, Miss," the steward led me into the bridge, opening up a pristine white door. I saw two men in black uniform standing beside another man in the same uniform, all had black hats on. The one man sitting down inbetween the two officers was gray-faced and he seemed to be in respiratory distress. He was emitting a few wheezes and was staring up at me with glassy eyes.

The other 2 officers looked at me somberly as I went over, set the bag down, and rifled through it. "How long has this been going on?" I found my stethoscope and hooked it onto my neck.

"He was fine when we came in about 10 minutes ago," a Scot answered me. That was Murdoch to be sure. "he just started to turn the wheel when it slipped and punched him right in the chest."

"Damn," I sympathized. Both of the officers looked scandalized that I'd swear but now wasn't the time to dwell on such things. The Edwardian era manners were very patronizing to women and I had no patience for them. "where did it hit you exactly?"

My patient looked at me uncomprehendingly for a moment-there was no doubt he was in a lot of pain-, then indicated vaguely.

"All right," I put the earpieces in. "I'm going to check your lung functions. Just breathe in and out deeply as you can when I tell you to." he did so and I did not hear any background noise like rales or anything else.

The chief officer Wilde said nothing throughout this whole scene. I knew it was him by the 3 bars on his jacket cuffs and the mustache he sported. He looked concerned enough though, like a father with his children. He did have 4 kids after all, I remembered. Murdoch looked at me a bit anxiously and when I was done auscultating, I listened to the officer's heart. This was Boxhall, I was sure. He had really good looks and it was little wonder that the women chased him when he was out at sea. His blue eyes lost their glassiness and he looked over at me silently as I checked his heart rate.

"No rales, rubs, your wheezes are going away," I got up painfully to my feet and Murdoch steadied me a bit. "thank you, sir. In short, Mr. Boxhall, you'll be fine. A bit sore mind you, you'll be bruised a bit, but absolutely fine otherwise."

"Thank you so much, ma'am," he stood up shakily. "gave me a nasty fright, it did."

"Don't I know it!" I giggled. "I had a similar experience once in a car accident." cars were not mainstream those days but they would be soon enough. The bridge looked hauntingly beautiful at night with all the stars so close it looked like you could pick one and put it on your wall. "If you start to feel more pain where you were hit, come to me immediately."

"Repercussions?" Wilde asked. It was the first time I heard him talk all through the little tableau and I had to be sure it was him I was hearing. "What sort?"

"More shortness of breath, wheezing, that general idea." I hedged, not wanting to tell of a hemothorax or anything unpleasant where I would have to open him up and sort him out. Those were nasty things and I did not want to instill any undue fear or possible hypochondria. "Odds are you won't face anything major so I'm content to leave it at that."

"We will see you tomorrow, then," Murdoch gave me a kind smile and I returned it. "officer's physicals you know."

"I do apologize for getting you up," Boxhall told me in his quiet tone of voice, standing up.

"No matter, sir. Accidents don't wait for a convenient time of day. Good night, gentlemen." I got up my gear and left the bridge.

As I shut the door, I heard Murdoch say, "I quite like her." I smirked and felt a faint flush approach my cheeks as I headed back to my quarters. The bridge crew were legendary and to hear one of them say that he liked me, well, I was overjoyed at that moment! Murdoch had always seemed to me calm and unflappable with a ready sense of humor. Lightoller was another one I was looking forward to meeting, as he'd had quite an adventurous life altogether.

I unlocked my quarters and left it unlocked in case I was needed during the night, then sprawled out on my bed. I went over their case histories that I had read a few days before in my had suffered malaria previously so I'd have to check for signs of a recurrence. Boxhall had been sickly on and off his own life, much like myself, and I'd be very careful with him. The others I knew nothing about health-wise and I would take complete family and social histories from them. All of them smoked at least once, and Lowe was the only one who didn't drink at all. Something about his religion, probably. Lightoller was one of those new-fangled Christian Scientists who would instantly refuse medicine as they were taught it was all in the mind, though I sincerely doubted any one of them would benefit by ironically refusing medicine that science itself taught us was healing.

Oh well. It was his choice and not mine. I thought the so-called religion was very self-deceiving but that was just my thought on it. I changed back into my nightdress and shivering slightly, I went back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The day before sailing and all the officers had their physicals. First up was Wilde, the tight-lipped one. He answered my questions readily as I interrogated him on his past sailing experiences and asked if he'd had any tropical diseases. A straight no on all of them, I told him he was very lucky and checked him all over. Standing at his back, I put my hands on his throat and asked him to swallow, checking for any glandular problems. A simple auscultation and he was done. Wilde looked somber all the time and I knew he was missing his wife and sons. I wanted to tell him that it was OK for him to come to me with any questions or heart to heart time, but he barely knew me and I thought it was too forward to mention that at our first meeting.

Murdoch was next. A Scot with a wonderful brogue accent, he shook my hand with a grin and sat down opposite me at my desk.

"Any tropical diseases like yellow fever, Rocky Mountain Spotted fever, or malaria?" I asked, pen poised over the clipboard with the questionnaire on it. He'd had a health screen recently, though I had to go over it again. Formalities did not die off, besides something might have changed within the past 8 months.

"No." I checkmarked no on the sheet and appraised Murdoch with my eyes. His family history had sailing in it, though that wasn't a disease. His mother had health issues but everyone else seemed hearty enough. He'd been pretty lucky never to be affected by any tropical diseases and I told him so. He had a somewhat reserved grin and I guessed that there would be a full grin once he was at ease with me. Fortunately for him, I was fairly easy to get along with, depending on who you asked!

"Thanks." the interrogation done, I stood up and checked his heart and lungs. He jokingly attributed this to torture and asked me to tell him when it was over. I checked him for glandular problems in the neck and told him it was done. Murdoch's blue eyes sparkled at me in good humor and I surmised that Lightoller, of which they were shipmates before, might have rubbed off on him some.

"See? I'll bring out the cattle prod later!" he laughed, bid me good day and left. I sat there with a smile for a few minutes and got down to writing my observations.

My door opened up a few minutes later while I was marking chart notes on Murdoch like "pleasant disposition" and "ready sense of humor". A tall bloke with a sharp aquiline nose and beady blue eyes knocked once and entered after I bade him to. He sat down opposite me and took off his hat, giving me a tight little smile as I pulled out a fresh questionnaire. I pulled Murdoch's out and put it in the manila file folder I'd labeled DECK OFFICERS. Putting the file in the drawer of the desk, I slipped the new questionnaire onto the clipboard and secured it into pace while Lightoller looked at my certificate (actually a copy of one of them) I had hung on the wall.

"Mr... Lightoller, is it?" I inked his name at the top of the form and gave him a playful yet professional look, letting him know I wasn't some stuffy graduate who was too serious about my occupation.

"That'd be me," he answered, blue eyes sparkling. "Dr. Van Doren."

I smiled. "Well, let's play 20 questions..." it began. Lightoller answered mine promptly and it went very smoothly.

"Any tropical diseases like yellow fever, Rocky Mountain Spotted fever, or malaria?" I looked at him, my pen paused in midair.

"I had malaria on two separate occasions." his voice was absolute British with a twang of something else that I could not place. Northern, maybe? I had a slight Dutch accent that was hardly noticeable, as my dad was a Londoner.

He gave me the dates and I asked him about his course of treatment.

"Well, the first time it was in the African Mail Service boats," he drawled. "I'd come down with it awful quick and was ill for several days. Some of my mates decided that I had to break a sweat or I would die. They gave me quinine medicine and engulfed me with anything hot so I could break out in a sweat that would be the end of the fever." Lightoller answered me with such nonchalance it was a little disturbing. Then again, having a bad fever and delirium made one oblivious to anything, no wonder why he was speaking as if he wasn't there. His body was, but his mind was somewhere else during his illness.

"How high did your fever get?"

"Oh, about 106."

"Good Lord!" I exclaimed. "I'm surprised you didn't suffer a seizure."

"If I had, I'd wouldn't be able to tell ya, Dr. Van Doren. I was completely delirious by then."

"True. I trust the second time was pretty much the same?"

"Very much so." I made a note of this and checked his lungs and heart, then did the glandular check as well. He tolerated this in good humor much like Murdoch. I was pleased with his disposition towards me and gave him the all clear to resume his duties. Most Christian Scientists didn't take well to doctors and the like, but Lightoller was very different. I suspected that he was liberal in his religion much like I myself was. By liberal, I did not go to church regularly, I only participated when I felt like it and that was it.

Pitman was a breeze to examine and I soon sent him on his way. No illnesses to speak of, his physical exam normal. He was a bit tight lipped, with a lively voice but it didn't seem like he had much to contribute to a conversation. He was a man of few words, yet if I got to know him better, I bet some stories would come out.

Boxhall came in, I played 20 questions with him, checked his bruise, and took his medical history. He'd been a sickly little boy and sailor on and off and I suspected an underlying chronic problem of sorts. There were no ways to diagnostically test him for anything in those days, but I strongly favored the idea that he had a chronic pleurisy.

"Mr. Boxhall, I do suspect you have a chronic pleurisy. Often times your cavity surrounding your lungs, the pleural space, get infected for no reason. It is a weak spot on some people. It can happen because of viruses, bacteria, or sometimes it comes up with no reason whatsoever." I informed him, noting this on the patient record. "You seem to be in good health so I do not think your pleurisy is bothering you now. Please come to see me if you start to feel like it is."

"Yes, doctor," he was soft spoken. "I'm glad you're looking out for me." I smiled and shook his hand as he left.

Lowe was like Lightoller, trying to coax a smile out of me and when I did the glandular neck check, he pretended to choke! What a ham! He was like a little kid at times and with him, I felt well at ease. Lowe must have really liked the ladies because he harped and teased me to no end. Fortunately I had brothers myself and was able to play his game right back at him. He smirked and smiled, then he must have recognized me as one who was worthy enough to play his game, so he relented a bit.

"I really hope that I don't end up with you as a patient, Mr. Lowe," I told him as he was leaving. "I don't know what I'd do. Perhaps God sent you on this ship to punish me!"

Lowe started to laugh and Moody came in next. Moody was second to Boxhall in his good looks, angular face, blue eyes, tanned. He looked like he'd spent his whole life on the deck of a ship and never went in. Moody stood and looked at me until I bade him to sit down. The uniform was becoming of him, though all the officers wore them well. Moody could have been a fashion model and all the girls would be after him, I thought.

"Mr. Moody?" he kissed my hand which almost made me melt. Nobody ever did that anymore!

I went through the usual routine with him, smiled when I found out he could speak Spanish and had spent some time in South America. He had taken off his hat and I saw his brown almost black hair which was most becoming. He was the type of man who could break a few hearts!

"Must be wonderful down there," I noted as I wrote down his history. "the different culture can be really interesting."

"It was," he agreed. "I learned conversational Spanish but I kept slipping in random swear words! Made some horrible awkward conversations!"

I started giggling. "My great grandmother was French and I learned to swear in French before I learned conversational English!"

"Do you speak fluent French?"

"Oui, monsieur." I stood up and checked his vital signs. "I'm going to neck check you for any swollen glands which could lead to a whole host of problems." I put my fingers underneath his jawline and traced his thyroid, telling him to swallow. "Very good." he smiled and watched me as I sat back behind my desk. "You are free to go, Mr. Moody."

"Did I pass?" he joked, standing up.

"Yes you did." Moody laughed and bid good day to me as he left.

The remainder of that day we steamed to Southampton and moored, ready to take on passengers the first thing in the morning. It was a beautiful night out and I didn't want to spend it all inside with my textbooks. Besides they were outdated anyway. I went out and stood at the railing, leaning my arms on it and looking up into the starry sky. I saw Cassiopea, Pegasus, Orion and that was about it. Midwinter to early spring was a great time to look for constellations and I had made it something of a hobby.

"Dr. Van Doren!" someone was saying my name but I was too tired to open up my eyes. I smelled the salty sea air and heard the gentle slapping of the little waves against the hull of the ship. It was comforting in its own way, the noises a ship made had lulled me to sleep. Wait, since when did I fall asleep?

"What's going on here, Mr. Murdoch?" I heard a pair of shoes walk up and stand at my side. I felt the eyes of the two people looking down upon me and I kept my eyes closed until I could figure out how long I'd been asleep for. It couldn't have been more than half an hour!

"I found our doctor like this and I can't seem to wake her up." the Scot answered.

A cold breeze that was sharp and piercing like a knife washed over me and I gasped, opening up my eyes to see Murdoch and Lowe looking at me with concern in their eyes. Lowe took my hands and wrapped them in his, as I'd forgotten to put my gloves on. "You must be freezing!"

"All right, Dr. Van Doren?" I sat up and put my legs on the decking, looking out to see the lights of Southampton had all gone dark. I must have been asleep for about an hour, as the residents usually went to bed around 9. Even the seagulls had stopped chirping.

"Yes, Mr. Murdoch. You guys can call me Katrina, we're off the clock." they helped me up and I pulled out a scarf from my pocket, winding it around my neck. Lowe offered me his arm and I took it gladly, smiling when he rubbed my cold hand cheerfully. Murdoch did the same to my other hand and I was being spoiled at the moment! Never did I dream I would hold their attentions, never mind walking on the deck with them.

"Lovely name." Murdoch complimented me. "So what made you become a doctor?"

"I've been sickly my entire life and in and out of hospitals," I explained. "I already knew so much then, it wasn't a real hassle to get my medical license!"

"So what ailed you, if you don't mind my asking." Lowe added hastily as we passed the gym.

"Not at all. I was susceptible to bronchitis throughout childhood and when I was 17, I became deathly ill with scarlet fever."

"You almost died?" Murdoch took my hand for a moment. "I'm sorry you had to suffer."

"It all turned out OK in the end," I told him. "it was the nudge in the right direction for me to get my license."

"Some things happen like that." Lowe was cheerful, swearing as the wind tried to take his hat off. I laughed and since we were off duty, Murdoch did not reprimand Lowe for his swearing. We gossiped some more and when we reached the officer's quarters, we had to say goodnight. I stripped off my dress and got into my nightgown, spread a flannel sheet on the bed for extra warmth, and was flat out in minutes.


	3. Chapter 3

Next day was sailing day! I had no official duties apart from tending to passenger complaints once they were settled in. The officers ran around like bees attending to a monster hive, then I watched as we undocked. The backwash nearly caused the _New York _to impale us, but Smith corrected that in a flash. I really liked Smith, warm and intelligent, a soon-to-be retiree. Lightoller quite liked Smith and they all did. The proclaimed millionaire's captain was certainly doing his job very well from the start. Some talked of Smith like he was a god of the seas like Poseidon, and in my imagination I pictured Smith as Moses, making the seas part and going on through it.

Smirking to myself, I went back to the sick bay, and to my eyes, there was a young lady with a bawling infant in her arms.

"I'm sorry, 'e just won't stop cryin'." third class lady from Yorkshire, I surmised. We had no first class doctor or anything like that. I was all.

"That's all right! Let's see what we've got here." I examined the wee one and asked how old he was.

"Six months." I nodded. It was the right time for that to show up.

"He's got colic. Poor thing, it's no fun when your belly hurts now, is it?" I began a practiced technique I learned when treating a colicky baby at the school clinic. A simple massage would help the poor little boy. Right away, he stopped being fussy and stared at me with big blue eyes. I laughed. "Feel better now?" he burbled and made some endearingly cute babbles. "Here, let me show you how to do it." I tutored her in the healing touch and she mastered it very well. A gentle reminder not to feed her child too much and to warm up her hands before massaging her baby, she thanked me profusely and left my office.

The next patient was a blonde haired, wiry, muscular looking man who came in with a complaint of tenderness in his right lower abdomen. I palpated and it felt like appendicitis in situ for the moment. I appraised the guy quietly for a moment as he exhaled in pain as he lay down on the exam table and watched me as I examined him. He was in third class as well, simple corduroy trousers and a white shirt with suspenders.

"Are you going to New York?"

"Oh no, ma'am, just Cherbourg."

"Good. Go and get into a hospital as soon as you can and tell them you have appendicitis. It's not acute at the moment but you need to have it removed."

Just then the whistle blew. We were in Cherbourg now. The young man looked at me gratefully and left the surgery. So far my skills were adequate enough but what was coming next down the road? Seasickness cases by the truckload to be sure. I hoped Boxhall's pleurisy wouldn't act up until we docked at New York, he had enough to be worrying about.

"Excuse me, are you the doctor?" a well-dressed middle aged man from first class looked at me inquiringly. It was Mr. Astor, the wealthiest man on the ship and his younger than me bride was there as well. He'd scandalized the press by divorcing his wife and marrying this girl of 18 and knocked her up almost right off the bat. He'd been spending time in Egypt with the new Mrs. Astor to lie low as the press heat cooled off. I had no prejudices and would treat them as unbiased as possible.

"I have that honor, Mr. Astor, Mrs. Astor." I replied. "Step into my office." I checked my working clothes of blue corduroy pants and a white peasant blouse for my stethoscope, found it, and draped it over my neck.

The consulting room was where I interviewed the patients and if necessary, showed them into the exam room. I sat down at my desk, they on the other side, and we got the interview underway. Mrs. Astor was a pretty little thing, dripping with silk and perfume. Mr. Astor was well-dressed, articulate, and concerned for his young wife. I liked them both immensely.

"What seems to be the issue today?" a bright tone of voice never hurt.

"My Madeline is in a delicate state and she's been sick on and off," Mr. Astor began. "we've been in Egypt for a few months, could that have anything to do with her health?"

"Possibly. What are your symptoms, Mrs. Astor?"

"I'm so lightheaded all the time and I'm more tired than I used to be." Mr. Astor held her hand and gave her a smile. She returned it and both turned to me, worried looks taking over their faces. I looked at Mrs. Astor and made my initial visual assessment. No jaundice at the eyes, nares patent, both eyes clear and no purulent discharge...

"Sounds like anemia to me." her skin was pale and so were her gums. "These are iron tablets. Take one of these twice a day and eat iron rich food like steak and dark greens like spinach. Those should help build you back up."

"Thank you so much," Mrs. Astor gave me a kind grin. "is there a list I can have?"

"But of course." I handed one out. "You'll notice a difference in a day or two. Make sure to drink plenty of water as well."

"Thank you." Mr. Astor gave me a wonderful smile, bowed, then showed his wife out. I grinned, said they were more than welcome, and watched as they left the consult room. "Oh, Dr. Van Doren? Would you be interested in dining with us tonight?"

"Please do," Mrs. Astor urged. I had to smile.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I'm the only doctor on board ship and I must be here. Thank you for the offer, though. It was very kind." regrettably so, I had to stay in my office at least until 7. The first class suppers would go on for hours past midnight and I needed my rest to keep in the game, so to speak. The voyage might be a vacation to the passengers, but not to the employees of the White Star Line. We were not allowed to socialize with the passengers anyway, except the purser's offices and me. The deck crew had to keep to themselves.

"I'm sorry you cannot, Dr. Van Doren. Hopefully we will see you again before the ship docks."

"Yes but hopefully not in here." I beamed like I'd just told the goofiest joke ever and the duo laughed and left. I was in the process of shutting my door as I heard the captain's voice nearby.

"Oh, Captain Smith!" I heard Mr. Astor call. "And Mr?"

"Moody, sir."

"Mr. Moody, a pleasure." Astor had that flattering quality about him. There was no doubt in my mind Moody found him charming as well and he would have inclined his head politely, acknowledging the compliment if I'd seen him. The two were going on, something about navigation. "You two have a charming young doctor on this voyage. I shall sleep soundly tonight, knowing that she is looking after all of us." I pictured Captain Smith's expression when he heard that. It was undoubtedly one of polite acknowledgement as well.

"Thank you, Mr. Astor." they exchanged other pleasantries and left. I blushed as I shut the door. The richest man on the ship paying me a compliment! Unbiased and pleased that I didn't sneer at them and be derogatory. It occurred to me then that there were worse places to be than a ship's doctor. A stoker, for example. I didn't envy them at all!

That night after supper, we left Queenstown and began our voyage west. I had just finished my supper and one of the maids was taking away the tray for me when there was a knock on my door.

"Enter." entering in the cases in the daily ledger, I looked up to see Wilde sitting down in front of me. "Are you ill, sir?" I shut the ledger and put it away in the drawer, prepared to give Wilde my undivided attention.

"No, I wanted to tell you of a compliment you received today," his eyes danced. "it seems like you've caught the eye of Mr. J.J. Astor already."

"Oh, that was nothing!" I dismissed the remark with a wave of my hand. "very minor. All in the line of duty, wouldn't you say, Mr. Wilde?" he winked at me and understood what I meant. First time I'd seen him smile on the voyage.

"As per my understanding, you've never been on a superliner like this before?"

"Correct. I did square-riggers and windjammers." we traded stories over those types of ships for a bit and the subject changed to family.

"My family? No, nobody went to sea so I'm sort of a pioneer, I think." my elder brother had pursued his love of carpentry, one went on to be a farmer, and the third one went into the Royal Navy. Robert was a successful carpenter with his own firm and they did excellent custom work, my middle brother Stanley had become an experienced farmer and had a family, and my little brother Mark had made lieutenant not too long ago.

"I hope my sons go to sea," Wilde had a faraway look in his eye. Suddenly he seemed sad. "If they'd have lived."

Aha! "Might I inquire about that?" I did my best to look sympathetic which was a bit hard. I'd never spent hours in a mirror to practice my expressions! Even my time spent in the theater when I was in high school didn't do much to educate me about facial expressions and acting.

"It's one of the reasons that I was coming down to see you. My wife died about ten minutes after giving me a set of twin boys. They died later of scarlet fever. Can you tell me anything about why she died?" he twisted his hands together, trying not to twist his hat he'd set on the corner of my desk. Nervousness radiated from him and I was torn for a moment. How do you tell a man what you suspected? I mean, did I want to? I was just going to be cool and matter-of-fact, a talent which had rarely let me down. That didn't mean I couldn't put a sympathetic edge on my voice, though.

I leaned back and steepled my hands together, brow furrowed. "It has partially to do with age, Mr. Wilde. If she was in her late thirties or early forties, the stress might have been too much for her and her heart gave out. The other possibility is an amniotic aneurysm. That is when a bit of the fluid backs up into the mother's veins and blocks off blood flow which would then kill." to try to soften what I had to say would have been wrong. Besides, the deaths weren't recent. Wilde had almost a year to heal from the sorrow and the grief. His shoulders slumped a little bit as I spoke, but apart from that, nothing else betrayed his emotion. I could have guessed what he was feeling anyway.

"But my sons..." Wilde went pale. "they were so young." he put his face in his hands for a brief moment.

"It's because they were so young that they died," gently, I went on. "babies' immune systems or their bodies are immature in every sense of the word. They don't have the defenses that you and I have as we're adults. Scarlet fever is a complication of strep throat and it happens in people who haven't been treated for strep right away. Our medicine right now is in its infancy, unfortunately it can't do much. It's disturbing, but when an infant gets a severe illness like scarlet fever, it's usually fatal."

"I understand." Wilde muttered. "Have you ever encountered someone who's had scarlet fever and lived?"

"Yes. It was me." his head snapped up and he looked at me very carefully.

"It nearly killed me, Mr. Wilde. I had been through the wringer so to speak. I had to fight it out alone." my voice got darker as I remembered. "I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy." memories of my illness came flooding back. I had been deathly sick then and the doctor was my only constant companion. The days of fever, delirium, chills and sweats seemed to envelope me at once. I gave off no outward expression of what I was feeling then but he seemed to guess anyway.

Wilde stood up abruptly. "I'm sorry to dredge up such painful memories."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help."

The chief officer gave me a gentle glance and chucked me under the chin. "I'm glad you didn't hold it back from me like the other doctors did." that earned him a small smile, he returned it, then said goodnight. I finished logging my patients into the ledger and I was officially done for the night. Clinical hours were done unless there was an emergency, and hopefully there wouldn't be one. I locked the door and moved away down towards the bow, shrugging into my greatcoat and my old black leather gloves. I wondered what it was about these quiet nights at sea that always seemed to bring out a song in me. Perhaps it was the atmosphere or the way it reminded me of poetry in motion.

My pocket watch read 10 p.m. so Lightoller would be making his way on rounds about now. Murdoch had just taken the bridge and all was eerily silent. I went down to the bow at the very point. There was an immense feeling of power in that mighty ship as she sped towards New York. The seagulls had been gone for a long time now and all I could see was the black water in the night. It was cloudy that night so I didn't see any stars. I felt the faint vibration of the steam engines floors below me and I looked up to try to see the moon but I couldn't. It was a melancholy feeling, being out there in the dark, but I liked it. It was a treat of solitude and it allowed me to unwind a bit after the hectic first day of the voyage.

Just standing there for nearly 20 minutes, captivated by the beauty of the ocean, was all I could take. I ambled back up to the boat deck slowly and studied the view in the lights nearby in the bridge. Stunning. The cold was really starting to affect me now. I blew on my hands for a moment as I watched the lifeboats swing back and forth gently in their davit stations as the ship went forth.

"I say, Katrina, what are you doing out there in the cold?" Lowe said gaily. "Step on in or you'll freeze!"

"Well, I'll be!" I teased, walking into the bridge and shutting the door. "Mr. Lowe has come a-callin'!"

Murdoch laughed and offered me tea, which I declined. "I'll be up all night." Why the hell was tea such a ritual? That little 3 letter word was repeated more around here than anything and if I had a nickle for every time I heard it... Lowe had a tea service on the small table in the wheelhouse behind the bridge, it was still steaming hot. The quartermaster steered on, his face grim in the low light.

"True. On a cold evening like this, it's my companion." he chuckled and turned to face the bow. "I saw you out there. What were you doing?"

"Standing entranced by sight." The sight still had me half in its grip as I stood beside Murdoch and looked out over the forecastle. So eerie and yet majestic in its dark beauty by nightfall. Most of the running lights on the ship were turned off as to not interfere with the lookouts' eyesight. A few of the lights were still on and I saw the way the light glinted on the bronze capstans and reflected a bit off the anchor chains. A bit of frost was forming where the warmth from belowdecks filtered up through a grate covering the forward cargo hold. The railing near the wheelhouse was covered in a fine film of frost and was very cold and clammy to the touch.

"It is a spectacular view," Murdoch agreed. "I heard Mr. Astor was very complimentary of your skills today."

"It was nothing! Mrs. A was just anemic, that's all. People tend to overdramatize." Shifting my weight, I saw Lowe working out some calculations nearby. Pitman was in the chart room, which explained why I couldn't see him. "Hello, Herbert! I know you're in there!" I was rewarded with a return hello and a laugh. Murdoch giggled and set his cup down on the little table near the telegraphs.

"Still, he doesn't hand out compliments very readily."

"Very true. It was a light workload today."

"What were some of your cases?" Lowe stood beside me now as I reached up to my scarf to tug it a bit tighter.

"A 6 month old with colic, a young man with appendicitis, the Astors, and I think that was it so far. Tomorrow's when the seasickness comes into play."

"Your first patient was a baby?"

"Yes, a sweet little one too."

"Have you any children?"

"No, Mr. Lowe. I can't have children ever since I had scarlet fever."

Lowe and Murdoch turned to me. "That's unusual, isn't it?" both of them looked concerned, though I had already told them that I'd had scarlet fever the previous day. I supposed it was their natural protective instincts coming into play. Those two would naturally want to protect the ladies that they knew.

I shrugged. "Not really. Besides, I'm just glad I didn't die." I was being as blase about my experience as Lightoller was about his, I realized. What else could I do, really?

"Too true." Murdoch acknowledged as Lightoller came in, rubbing his hands together, his nose red from the cold and his cheeks too. He made a note in the log and turned around to talk to Murdoch when he spied me.

"Why Dr. Van Doren!" he kissed my hand. "Up at this hour again, are we?"

Someone must have told him about the previous night. "Of course. Call me Katrina by the way."

"Wonderful. Aren't you sleepy yet?"

"Nope. Like I told these two, it was a light workload." we chattered on about anything that came up into our minds. Some of the stewards were in charge of the dogs down in the kennels and I remarked it was a pity that the animals couldn't be with their humans in their suites. I told them all about a mynah bird my brother had once and he'd trained it to swear. The bird let loose 4 letter expletives when my grandparents came over for tea one day and my grandmother yelled at my brother for half the time they were there about the bird's potty mouth. I cracked the officers up with my imitation of Sallie the Swearing Parrot! I could get it almost down pat for entertainment, purely.

"Now you're looking tired," Lightoller held out his arm. "walk you back to your room?"

"If you insist." we bade goodnight to the other officers and left.


	4. Chapter 4

"It's so beautiful on this ship at night," I remarked as the waves slopped lazily against the ship's hull, making a gentle slapping sound. "I swear, you could live on the looks of it."

Lightoller chuckled and rubbed my hand. "Wearing your gloves tonight, eh? Didn't you forget them last night or the night before?"

"Why on earth do you insist on going over my past... foibles, Charles?" I demanded, a slight smile edging around my mouth some. "Is this a habit you made for yourself?"

"Now Katrina..." he looked at me and I failed to hide the smile. "You!" I ducked out of his grip and raced him to my bedroom, giggling all the way. I pulled out the key and unlocked the door as he caught up to me. "How on earth do you move so fast in those heels, woman?"

"Why yes I am a woman, thank you for noticing," I laughed. "it's a secret."

Lightoller looked at me, one eyebrow raised. "I think I don't need to know any more than that."

"Wise choice." I commented, tucking my key back under my shirt again. "Care to step in and get warm before you hit the sack as well?"

"No, I should be going," he kissed my hand. "until tomorrow, Katrina."

"Likewise, Charles." he left and I shut the door.

Changing into the warmest nightgown I could find, I drew the curtains over my little porthole, then flopped down onto the bed. I lay there for a few moments, knowing that tomorrow was another day and I was wondering what exactly it held in store for me. Some people said that this ship had a curse on it of sorts but I didn't believe in hoodoo curses or any of that sort. I was here to do a job and as far as I knew, I had done it to the best of my ability. I yawned and rolled over, happy to fall asleep and forget the world, at least for another 8 hours or so.

"Katrina."

Who was calling me? Doctors had the right to sleep too!

"Katrina, please wake up." I stayed still, in the grip of sleep and the wonderful warmth that I had finally accomplished. Feeling like someone was trying to yank me off the white cloud of my bed, I stayed silent and didn't open my eyes. The occupational hazard of being a doctor was aborting sleep, something that I rebelled against with everything I had in me.

"Careful, Mr. Moody," Murdoch's Scottish accent sounded. "she's a sound sleeper."

I cracked open an eye, still more asleep than awake. "Katrina?" Moody took a step towards me, though all I could see was his shadow, then Murdoch turned on the light. My pupils dilated and I could see, though it shocked my eyes rather rudely. I put a hand up to my eyes and groaned as the bright light assaulted my senses, seemingly knowing I was asleep and wanting to wake me up in the rudest way it was capable of.

"No, this is Katrina's sleepy, evil twin sister," I yawned. "what seems to be the problem, James?" sitting up, I wondered if I could help while still half asleep but banished that thought immediately. The best results came when one was fully conscious.

"There was a fight in the steerage section I was trying to break up and I got clocked one on the head." he answered. "The Master-at-arms told me to come to you for a check."

I couldn't be remiss in my duty. Ushering in Murdoch so he would close the door and keep the cold out, I turned up the space heater a few notches and turned on the floor lamp. My medical bag was always with me, fortunately, so I put on a robe and sat Moody down in a chair. Murdoch hung back and watched as I examined Moody's eyes. "Normal, equal pupils, reactive to light..." I took off his hat and checked his head. "there's a small knot right here," an inch or so back from his left temple was where he got winged. "ice it for 20 minutes on and off tomorrow or whenever it starts to hurt. What's wrong with your hand?"

"One of the fighters had been drinking and he bit James's hand." Murdoch told me. "By that time I'd come down and seen everything."

The bite was on the distal side or heel of the hand. I flushed it out with saline and inspected the jagged edges critically, checking to make sure I flushed out all the debris. When I was sure everything was clean, I put a healing salve derived from eucalyptus and aloe oils. The injury bandaged, I stood up, yawning some more.

"Thank you very much," Moody gave me a little hug which surprised me a bit. "back to work, Will?"

"Of course," Murdoch gave me his lively grin. "I'll go easy on him."

"I don't want him back in here collapsing of exhaustion." I warned in a semiserious voice. They bade me goodnight and I went back to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Day 2 of the voyage. I was kept busy by the reports of seasickness and dispensed some calming ginger tablets to those afflicted. Ginger was very common for soothing nausea and it was worth its weight in gold to me when lunchtime came around. I had seen at least 6 people with the common complaint of seasickness and had given them these little miracle ginger tablets. Nobody had come back for more which meant that those pills were working their magic.

I went into the officer's mess for a half an hour lunch when Pitman and Boxhall joined me at the table. "So, tell us about yourself!" Pitman took a drink of his ever present teacup and studied my face.

"What can I say, I am the second youngest in the group of 4." I outlined my brothers' successes at their careers, told them that my dad was an engineer for a local car company and my mom was a successful columnist. My siblings and I didn't want for much, we lived basic lives, had fun in nature, did everything that kids do. "We're ahead of our time," I said modestly. "Dad has some means, he and Mom both own cars. We have a small house, a dog, a little beck where we can play with our rowboat, and miles of woods where we like to hike."

"What kind of dog?"

"Weimaraner. He's big and he's German."

"How old is he?"

"2."

"Is he funny?"

"Oh yes, hysterically so. After our walks, he likes to go to his dog bed and just roll his face in it over and over. He makes a huge mess!" I just laughed, the others joining in.

"Harold has an affinity for cats." Pitman grinned. "He's quite fond of the ship's cats on other ships he's sailed on. I'm sure there are pictures around of him cuddling those furballs!"

"I never was fond of cats," I set my drink down. "I'm very much a dog person. My brother Stanley is a real cat man."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He has a blue-gray cat his son calls Stripes. Stripes is very numb, he'll chase his own tail, climb curtains, you name it. He loves to bring home the dead animals to supposedly share with his family."

We gossiped about pets for a solid half an hour. When it was time to go, Pitman invited me to the poker game going on at about 4 p.m. until suppertime.

"I don't play poker. Do you know gin rummy?"

"Yes." they said together.

"Let's play that instead."

"All right. I'll pass the word." they left the mess room and I headed back for the office.

I came across a well-dressed young man and a girl who had fiery red hair waiting outside my door. The girl looked downcast, wearing a pretty green dress with a white bolero, her hair was in a chignon. She was very pretty and the man was also nattily dressed, though I did not like his demeanor. He was dark, blonde, wearing a tan suit and a black vest.

"Where is that accursed doctor?" he demanded.

"Riley, please."

"My dear, I will not have you waiting around like a common person!" I walked up and unlocked the door. He looked down at me arrogantly. "And who are you?"

"The common person doctor," I snapped. "what is the trouble?" they went inside and sat down at the chairs opposite my desk in the consulting room. The woman looked so forlorn that I sympathized with her without knowing why. When she sat down, I noticed her figure was starting to alter shape a little, though not as much as Madeline Astor's.

"My wife has been sick ever since she set foot on this ship!" Riley pounced on me. "I knew we should have gone on the _Olympic_!"

Not liking him at all, I leveled a glare at him and said, "Perhaps you should have," he started to sputter as I got up and examined the woman. "I doubt that would have eased this problem. Does the nausea occur and subside in the morning? Have you been overly tired lately?"

"Why yes." she had a soft voice, whoever she was.

"Well then, congratulations."

"What the deuce are you talking about, doctor?" Riley stood up. I didn't know for sure if he was an arrogant pig, concerned for his wife, or both. Until he started to give me the respect I deserved, I decided I would not like him.

"Your wife is with child." going back to the desk, I made a note of this in the ledger. "From the looks of things, I'd say about 3 months."

"The looks?!" Riley glanced at his wife's lap where the just barely noticeable yet telltale bulge was starting to peek through. "Oh."

"Well if that is all," I stood up. "have a good voyage." firmly I waved them out, happy to see Riley go. Their last names I had not gotten, but with a husband that had that kind of snotty attitude, I'd find out really quickly.

An afternoon of cases followed, several cuts and bruise type injuries, more cases of seasickness, twisted knees, a few cases of the flu and head colds. When I arrived in time for the gin rummy game, I was already exhausted. Wilde was on duty as well as Lowe and Pitman, so Murdoch, Lightoller, Boxhall and Moody joined me at the table.

"Gin rummy this time, yes?" as I was the new person in, they let me cut the deck and deal. I shuffled the cards and doled out 7 per hand. I wasn't a gambler and they let me off on that one. I played for the fun of it.

"Have an interesting day?" Lightoller discarded a 7 of spades of which I picked up and laid down a run.

"Yeah. Some real arrogant snot named Riley brought his wife in to see me."

"Riley Algernon? That arrogant jerk's been on the _Oceanic_ a few times." Murdoch threw in a blue chip. "Remember, Charles?"

"Yes. He threw a fit because we were out of liquor. I swear that man will get what's coming to him."

"Ah, what goes around comes around. Karma." Boxhall nodded.

We played 3 games and chose the best out of 3. I had just laid down a run, king, queen, jack, when Boxhall threw down the ace high and whooped. He was out of cards first so he won. His ace was of the same suite as my cards so it was a legitimate win. I'd played off of Lightoller's runs of 3 10s, 3 queens, and Murdoch's run of 3 2s and 3 9s, so I had some points coming to me. Even so, Boxhall won the game and the others gave him their betting chips, groaning.

There were jokes of the game being fixed, but the other three took the defeat easily. Boxhall won, Moody and I were tied for second place, the Lightoller and Murdoch was last.

Finishing up the game, supper was called and we all went over to the mess room to see what we could scrounge up for dinner.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Huge thanks to classicmovielover for the help! Sometimes in your own stories the words melt together and you don't see errors like you should! _

As always, there was a lull when everyone was having supper and after finishing up mine, I saw it was a good opportunity to go onto the bow and see the sun set. I did precisely that and wished I had a camera with me, as it made such a pretty picture.

"Hey woman, remember me?" I shielded my eyes from the sun and turned.

"Daniel." a man in second class garb with a cherub face and dirty blonde hair looked at me, pulling a cigarette out of his mouth and tossing it over the side.

"You haven't been forgetting me now, have ya?" he got too close to me and grabbed my wrists. "Just like old times, you think you could get away from me?"

"Oh I can and I will, Dan. You forget how quick I was."

He snorted, keeping an iron grip on my wrists. "Quick didn't cut it!"

"For you it did." I sneered. "Let me go!"

"Not until you do something for me."

"I know what you want and it's not going to happen, bub!" I stomped on his feet, kneed his crotch, wrenched my hands free and ran. Lightoller met me on the bridge left side wing, asking me what was going on.

"My ex-fiancee..." I panted. "he's roughed me up before and I had to run away before he killed me. Charles, will you help me?"

"Of course." Daniel was gaining ground fast as Lowe came out of the wheelhouse. "Get behind me."

I obliged as Daniel came up. Lowe put a supportive hand on my arm as Lightoller faced him, his glare all steely eyed and intimidating.

"You've no power over her!" Daniel barked. "Katrina, come to me!"

"Oh stick it up your ass!" I shot back.

"Leave this woman alone," Lowe and I glanced at each other. We'd never heard Lightoller speak so commandingly. "you are to keep your distance for the rest of the voyage. I will not hesitate to have you arrested and detained."

"You cannot keep me from my fiance!"

"She's not your fiance any more."

"She's mine! I own her!"

"You cannot own another human being!" Lightoller firmly told him. "Now stay away from her!" he spoke so threateningly that Daniel actually backed away.

"OK. She's... damaged goods." he threw at me, obviously thinking that Lowe was dating me now.

When he'd gone, I exhaled shakily and looked up to my defenders. "Thanks guys."

"If you don't mind me asking..."

"Not at all, Harold. Daniel Rutherford used to be nice and I genuinely did fall for him. He was great, asked for my hand and I did give it to him. Then he started hitting the bottle and getting whores to satisfy himself every night. Dan started to haunt the Fleet Street Dragon and when he got home, he would get violent with me, I got sick of it and broke it off. He's been out of my life for a year now. He's mainly the reason why I chose to be a shipboard doctor."

"I'm glad you're here, regardless." Lightoller gave me a small hug. Lowe wasn't far behind.

"What did he mean by damaged goods?"

"Nothing much. In the intimacy area I wouldn't get that way with him. He just disgusted me and I didn't want him violating my body so I made up some sob story about rape." simple and true. I was convinced back then that my downstairs would smell like bourbon when he was done!

Smirking, I told them stories of Dan's foibles including his irrational fears of rats and horses for a bit until they laughed hard, wiping their eyes. We spent a companionable half an hour together until the watches rotated and Murdoch came on. I was surprised by the time that had passed. The off duty officers and I went back to our quarters, Lightoller filling Murdoch in on what had happened to me. The Scot appraised me warmly and he asked to come and see me when he was off duty.

"That'll be at 2 a.m., Will. If you can wake me up without difficulty, then yes." he laughed.

Two a.m. came a lot sooner than I thought it would. Four hours of sleep hadn't done much for me and when I answered the door, I was surprised to find that it was nearly 3 a.m. He had rounds to do and that was the reason he was late. Not that I cared.

"Are you ill, Will?" I was rubbing my eyes when I was gently pushed down to sitting on my own bed. Before I knew it, a pair of lips had engulfed mine and I was getting a romantic smooch. What?!

"Aren't you married?" he pulled away from me, eyes bright as he took his hat off.

"Not any more," Murdoch peeled off his gloves. "she got sick of me seafaring and left me." divorces weren't made public so that made sense.

"So you had it in for me?"

"In a way. Do you mind?"

"No, not at all." I was going along with it, surprised to find that I liked what Murdoch did! He made me feel like a real lady we engaged in sensuous activity. Though Murdoch knew that I had told a fake sob story to escape sex with Daniel, he didn't seem to mind at all. Perhaps he had gone down with Wilde and interviewed the cretin? My thoughts were interrupted as Murdoch covered the porthole window and asked if I was all right with him doing this.

"Yeah!" I exclaimed. What happened then was best left to the imagination!

"Was it good for you?" Murdoch asked about half an hour later. He had his left hand around my shoulders and he was looking at me with a smirk on his face. The Scot began to neck me again, trying to put a little bite into it, which I didn't really care for. I responded by necking him. He was well built and muscular from his years at sea, something I found quite attractive. Murdoch had the start of well-defined muscles in his arms and he was quite lean. He was no well-built Roman gladiator, but for me he was! He smelled enticingly of aftershave or cologne, or some other manly thing that they liked to slap on liberally, and I contented myself with raking my fingers through his silky hair. It puzzled me why I never found him cute or attractive before, but then again, I'd never been looking actively.

"Were you hot for me the entire time I've been on board?" he pulled me towards him, necking me gently as I returned the affection.

"From the first time I saw you attending Joseph on the bridge." he answered sincerely, kissing my hands. I let him go for a few minutes, revelling in the attention he was giving me. I'd never had that kind of attention before, where the man worshipped me and made me feel like a true lady. Murdoch started going down south from there, smooching every part of me that he could. I giggled, as I was ticklish a bit!

"Will, if this night results in shall we say a reminder in 9 months and something happens to you, what would you want me to do?" couldn't think in the moment, could I? Always had to have my butt covered in every circumstance. Murdoch stopped and looked at me, a bit confused.

"You mean if you were with child and I was away?" I nodded, pulling up the sheet. "Well, use your judgement, Katrina. I'd want you to have a happy life and I'd love to raise a child with you. If something did happen to me, I'd want you to still raise the child the best way you know how and marry someone that you love."

I'd never thought of bearing children before. I had always assumed since I was deathly ill that I couldn't do it. I felt that if it happened, it happened, but I was quite content and happy to be a shipboard doctor regardless. Still, a family would be nice but I was thinking too far ahead of myself again. "I'm thinking too much into this."

"Perhaps you are." he teased, picking up my left arm and entwining his fingers with mine playfully.

"OK, I'll give you that one," I winged him with a pillow and he started to laugh. "I really must sleep now so I can be fresh for tomorrow."

"Same here." Murdoch drew up the covers more and I closed my eyes. "A good...rendezvous always makes me tired." I knew why that was, but I wasn't about to go onto a lecture of the release of oxytocin, a natural painkiller that also played a role in sleep. He spooned me, one hand on my shoulder, gently pinching it and I heard a sharp intake of breath when he ascertained that I was quite muscular in my arms after working on a farm with my brother for many years. My biceps were rather well-defined and I liked it.

It was the best night's sleep I'd had in awhile, coupled with the fact I had an attractive Scotsman with me!


	7. Chapter 7

Day 3 at sea. I woke up at my usual time to see Murdoch next to me, still asleep. I smirked to myself and kissed him awake. I had to break the kiss when I found I couldn't breathe, much to his dismay. Did he think I was supergirl?! Men!

"Come on, we've got duties to attend to." I picked up my robe and fastened it on, drawing the curtain over my naked form, which elicited a slight whine from the first officer. Forgoing a corset, I fastened on my undergarments and slipped on a coral toned dress with a black peacoat. I wove my hair into a braid and made it into a knot at the back of my head, fastened on some hoop earrings I had found, then turned to Murdoch. It was only 9 a.m. but he had to get ready for his shift at 10. He was still lying there lazily, eyeing me with obvious interest.

"Do you know what a rat tail is?"

"Something on a rat's ass?" I giggled and went into the bathroom. I doused a small hand towel in cold water, wrung it out and twisted it tightly.

"This will hurt like hell, trust me. If you don't get up out of that bed and get ready for your shift, I will lash you with it." I cracked it in the air like a horse whip.

"Yes, ma'am!" scrambling into his clothes, he got ready and I had to help him with his tie. Murdoch put his hat on and looked at me, a cocky grin on his face. "Same time same place tomorrow night?"

"How about earlier?" I suggested. "Come off shift at 2 and we'll see what happens!"

"I like a challenge!" he kissed me and left the room as I locked up and went to the office.

During that day I had a smile on when I was alone. Murdoch had some surprising moves up his sleeves and I was a bit sore from all of it! Still, he was a total animal, unlike his reserved self. Everyone had characters in the bedroom area, I supposed.

Four cases before lunchtime and 2 were of bad chest colds, mostly steerage passengers were afflicted with them. The other 2 cases were of steerage fights. I called down to the assistant Master-at-arms and advised him to keep a sharp lookout. More incidents of fights had followed and I had to stitch up several of them. One gentleman had 4 cuts on his arms, 2 of them needed stitches, three other men had abrasions on their faces and knuckles.

"I don't know why all this is going on. We keep the unmarried far away from each other," the assistant Master-at-arms told me. "what do you think?"

"Smell him."

He did and reeled back. "Whiskey! There's no alcohol available to them!"

"Evidentaly there is, sir. Can you send the stewards out to check? There might be an illicit stock in the cargo hold." the steerage fighters, one hideously fat man and two limber young gentlemen looked at us as we were talking and glared at each other, no doubt ready to fight again. I quelled them with a look and gave them my attentions as much as I felt their wounds needed.

"Right away, doctor. Thank you." the assistant Master-at-arms lit out the door like his ass was on fire. I dismissed the fighters and turned to the last person on the bed in the quiet room. It was Lowe!

"Harold?" he wasn't lying down but he should have been. His face was pale and he was clutching a bloodstained rag to his left arm. Lowe gave me a sheepish grin as I pulled over the equipment tray and put on gloves.

"I was being a bit clumsy." was all he said.

"Right. Let's have a look." peeling off the rag bundle, I saw a clear laceration that went down to the subcutaneous skin layer. The bleeding was about stopped, save for a little trickle here and there. "Not bad. Could be better, though." he watched me as I prepared a syringe with a local anesthetic in it. Unflinching, he remained stoic as I injected the contents into the subcutaneous layer of his skin. When it was sufficiently numbed, I threaded a needle and went to work, using the standard mattress stitch to put him to rights. He couldn't watch me sewing him up, as he grew paler and looked like he would faint.

"Done!" I dropped the bloody needle into the container full of disinfectant. Bandaging the marks were easy enough, though Lowe still looked faint to me. I checked his pulse and found it was a little faster than usual. To be expected after bloodloss but I didn't think he'd bled that much.

"Harold?" I stood up.

"... a bit faint..." he muttered as Lightoller came in.

"Lie down." lightheadedness was common after a bleeding injury. I shoved a few cushions under his legs to make sure his head got enough bloodflow so he felt all right, then turned to Lightoller. "Just lie there until I come over to check on you. Sleep if you want."

I almost ran into Lightoller as he was standing right behind me, watching Lowe's eyes close. "What happened to him?"

"He got a cut, I don't know how, but I mended it and he seems fine or will be within an hour or so." I picked up a woollen blanket and spread it over the 5th officer, bringing it up to his shoulders. Lowe was already out cold, as he never moved. Lightoller's eyes studied him for a moment and I saw the fondness that he'd already developed for the young Welshman. Lowe was a character, loud and funny, often crude and vulgar, a bit like Lightoller himself. No wonder that he'd begun to garner a bit of a fondness for him. It was a good working friendship when one liked the other.

"He'll be all right?"

"Of course." I assured the second officer and we went back into the consultation room.

"So Will seems to be in very good spirits today. You wouldn't know why, would you?" he asked casually with a smirk on his face, sitting down and putting his feet up on my desk. I did the same and put my hands behind my head. "He said you had something to do with it."

"Well..." we were the only ones there and Lightoller could keep a secret. "You'd be in a good mood too, if you'd been all shagged out."

Lightoller's eyes bugged out a bit and he laughed. "I knew it!" he snorted. "Told him to get you and just go for it! He'd been in a pit since his wife left him and I told him he needed one good randy shag!"

"I was only too happy to oblige him." I winked teasingly.

"So what does that make you now?" he put down his feet and leaned over to look at me better. "In a relationship?"

"I don't think he wanted to go through the relationship thing again, Charles. Friends with benefits as my family calls them."

"Eh?"

"Ahem. Let's just call it... friends with sexual benefits." that hit home! Lightoller turned red and laughed louder until I had to shush him.

"Well, a relationship of convenience!" he guffawed, standing up. "I'd better get back on watch now. When will Lowe be able to resume his duties?"

"I'll bring word in about an hour or whenever he wakes up." I wrote down the chart note. "Goodbye, Charles." he winked and left.

My romantic rendezvous with Murdoch was not forgotten, though I couldn't leave until Lowe woke up. I sent Murdoch a note explaining what was going on, then settled in to look at some of the old books in the quiet room. They were really antiquated! My mind had been brushed and polished with the best medical information and I'd be able to remove an appendix if I had to, not to mention other little surgeries if need be. Hell, I could perform a circumcision if the need arose.

Then countless calls came in and I ended up working straight through lunch and almost straight through dinner. Several first class passengers had recurrent bouts of seasickness, so I was dispatched with my ginger tablets to fix them up the best that I could. It took me 2 hours to treat all the seasick passengers as they refused to come into the office so I had to find my way around the first class rooms which was not easy!

In my haste to go to the officer's mess, I crashed into Wilde, thankfully not knocking him off balance but me! He grabbed me before I could fall and supported me while I got my footing back. It was now past 6 if he was off duty.

"Dr. Van Doren, I was wondering where you'd gotten to." we started off down the hall.

"Is anything wrong, sir?"

"No. Mr. Lowe was just up and about, says he feels fine now."

"Good." there was one weight off my shoulders. Wilde took me to the officer's mess where we chatted together and made comments about some of the passengers. Boxhall joined us halfway through, tired and attempting to revive himself over coffee before the dog watch. By the time we were done, he looked perky enough to go on for his 2 hours and retire to his cabin for the night.

"What's that?!" I exclaimed as something furry brushed against my leg. Wilde stooped to look and picked up a black and gray striped tabby cat.

"This is the ship's cat, Mitzi."

"This ship is too new to have rats yet!" Wilde looked at home as he stroked the animal's sleek fur.

"She's here to get a hold of the population before it gets out of hand." he explained as he put the cat down and she wandered away.

"Makes sense then." I agreed as Wilde brought me back to my room. "Goodnight, Henry."

"Sleep at this hour? It's only 7!"

"I didn't sleep well last night." he accepted that without any trouble at all and bade me goodnight.

At some time during the night, I was half roused by a door opening and a gust of cold air greeting me. Not thinking anything of it, I went down for the count and did not rouse until 10 the next morning.

Opening up my eyes, I found a folded paper square next to me on the end table. My name was written on it in a masculine hand. I grinned and picked it up.

"Katrina, I came in last night to see you and you were sound asleep and never noticed me at all. Wilde told me you had a tiring day yesterday so I did not have the heart to awaken you this morning. I will see you sometime today. Will."

Taking a shower, I attired myself in a blue-pink dress and tied on my black peacoat again. The same earrings as yesterday completed the outfit and I headed to my office as usual. Everyone was at the church service and I spent my time checking my supplies and hoping that the fights didn't break out again.

"Hello, bitch!" Dan entered the room.

"Out, now." I wasn't afraid of him and I know he knew it. Fear would have played well in his hand but I knew I was better than that whiskey and bourbon drinking creep. He sidled towards me and tried to put his hands on me, but I backhanded him and darted away. Murdoch would be on the bridge until 2 so if I could head Dan off in that direction, Murdoch would arrest him. We had a brief entanglement as Dan tried to pin me into a corner while he started to drag his hands down the front of my dress, undoing the buttons on my peacoat. Fortunately I'd been taught to fight by my brothers and so I headbutted him in the gut, punched him in the face, then burst out the door and hightailed it to the bridge, ignoring the scandalized looks on the passengers. A lady running? Oh please!

"Come and get me, you loser!" I taunted, nearly crashing into the side rail as I skidded in my heeled shoes. Dan tore out of the room and dashed after me again, swearing at the top of his lungs. If there was one thing on my side it was speed. Dan was always a clumsy oaf and was never well coordinated. My brothers had nicknamed me squirrel when I was younger because I was so quick.

Surprisingly, Dan caught up with me as I was about to go into the bridge. "Stupid whore can't outrun me!" he shouted, beery fumes wafting right up into my face.

"Learned to outrun all the hookers you underpaid, eh?" I shouldn't have said that, but it felt good! Murdoch noticed the commotion with Pitman and Lowe, then opened up the door. Dan had me pinned against it, so of course I fell in.

"Ow!" I complained. "Not very graceful on my part!" Lowe started to laugh as he helped me up, then caught sight of Dan and frowned.

"You again!" he said viciously. "Mr. Murdoch, this is Dan Rutherford. Dr. Van Doren's ex fiancee." I cast a surreptitious look at Lowe's injury but couldn't see it as it was hidden by his uniform jacket cuff.

Murdoch's face immediately darkened. "Sir, I suggest you step off this bridge and away from this young lady before I arrest you."

"Oh, I'm so scared!" Dan leered at me, grabbing me and hiking me up off the floor, his hand around my neck. His grip was very powerful and he'd been working out. "If I can't have you, nobody can!" I choked in surprise as he fended Lowe and Pitman off easily and I saw red as Murdoch intervened, throwing a body block and sending Dan tumbling to the floor as I collapsed in a heap, coughing to get my breath back. Words were said but I didn't hear them, then I became aware of Murdoch handcuffing the cretin and leading him below with Pitman for backup.

Lowe assisted me to sit up as I hacked and wheezed for a long minute. "All right, Katrina?"

"Momentarily." I managed to choke out. God, my throat was on fire!

"God, your neck..."

"Huh?" respiratons were coming back to under control again.

"He's bruised your neck."

"Bruises go away," I had to take a deep breath as Lightoller and Wilde barged onto the bridge. "gentlemen?"

We must have looked quite a sight, me half lying on the floor with Lowe supporting me. My breathing was still dyspneic and labored as the two senior officers came over and helped me up. Both had heard what had happened and had come over to help with me, though I did not need it. Wobbly in the knees from the attack, they guided me over to a nearby chair in the wheelhouse and made me sit in it until I got my breathing regular again.

Lowe told them what happened and both were immediately furious. Murdoch returned then, informing the others that Dan would be detained until we docked. He looked at me and told me I had purplish bruises on my neck.

"I know. Shame this had to happen, though." my throat was dry and I coughed a few more times, producing a raspy goose honk that made everyone wince at the intensity. Why was it always my throat that suffered so much? I guess everyone had a weak spot. Pitman left to get me something for my throat and the seniors stood and discussed what the next step would be, conferring with Captain Smith who'd come in. He was told the story, told me that he was glad I didn't get seriously hurt, then decreed that the boat drills would be canceled that day.

None of the officers were happy to hear that but they were quiet. I exchanged a glance with Moody who'd just come onto the bridge, and he shrugged. Captain's word was law.

"In the meantime, the doctor's office seems to be quite quiet," Smith held out his arm and I took it. "might I walk you back to your room where you can rest a bit, my dear?"

Ordinarily, the use of the words my dear I would find patronizing, but not so with Smith. He sounded warm and friendly, he was concerned for my health. I smiled and accepted his arm, we chatted and he left me to sleep, which I gladly did.


	8. Chapter 8

When I woke up, it was suppertime. Boxhall and Moody were finishing up and Lightoller had come down on his half an hour alotted to him for supper. We all gossiped and I saw that my bruises were an even more violent shade of purple than before. I pulled out a thin scarf that was burgundy red and wound it around my neck, not keen for the passengers to see it and start using me as the subject of idle gossip. The old farts on this ship, particularly the dowagers or old first class ladies, had nothing better to do than gossip and the last thing I wanted was to play a role in it. Any respectful girl did not want her name bandied about in the petty talk and I was one of them. Doubtless they'd start speculating and causing rumors about me, something else I didn't want!

None of them were approaching the subject of Dan, for which I was quite grateful. We nattered on about various topics until Lightoller had to go back to work and the others went to bed. I kept the sick bay office open until 10, yawned, and was about to go to sleep when something made me think that something bad was about to happen. I suppose it was instinct, my survival instinct telling me to stay awake and stay alert, for something was coming down the shipping line towards us and it wasn't going to be pretty. An iceberg, perhaps? Surely those wouldn't sink a ship in this day in age! I stood at the taffrail and enfolded my coat closed as I watched and waited.

Lowe had been in bed since 8 and there was no point in rousing him, Pitman was in bed himself, Wilde was down chatting with the engineer Bell. It made sense since Wilde had been the chief engineer on the _Olympic _once. Lightoller was on inspection rounds, and the rest were on the bridge. I had checked Lowe's injury that day and it was healing well, no reaction at all. He'd told me that he was feeling all right, just a little tired still but that was from his work hours.

Parking myself on a deck chair, I leaned back and drifted off as I was picking out the constellations that night.

The shuddering of the ship woke me up and I hastened to the bridge, seeing a dark shape pass by and I knew that was the iceberg which would sink the ship. I was taken aback by the almost solid black mass. Established icebergs were white and easily visible, yet the new ones were less dense and you couldn't pick them out easily at all. Chunks of ice splattered onto the deck in hard thudding sounds and I saw some children outside and began to play with the chunks. Stunned, I looked as the berg passed into the night as if it was waiting for another ship to pick off like an assassin. My breath condensed in the air as I wound my scarf tighter around my neck and hustled into the bridge.

Murdoch was sweating profusely and answering Smith as Hichens stood at the wheel, his knuckles white. Boxhall came out from the chart room and went to find the carpenter and Mr. Andrews.

"Sir, can I do anything to help?" Smith looked at me like one would look at a ghost, then he composed himself.

"Dr. Van Doren, if you like, you can stay here with Mr. Murdoch or you can look at the damage with Mr. Boxhall and the ship's carpenter Mr. Hutchinson."

"He's one of the guarantee group, yes?"

"Yes. Excuse me." Moody stood beside me as Murdoch watched me cross over from the wing to the forecastle deck, seeing ice strewn about. My breath hung in the air making it look like I was smoking and Moody stood silently near me. I crossed back over to Murdoch and put my hand on his shoulder. He tensed up for a moment then relaxed when he saw it was me, taking my hand.

"Come on, Will. I know this wasn't your fault. It was just an accident."

He rubbed my hand as he focused on the starry night for a few moments.

"Nobody will blame you, sir." Moody echoed my thoughts. There was no point in pinning blame on anyone now, we had to take quick action.

"Katrina, have you your surgeon's uniform handy?"

What an odd question to ask! I never wore it as the patients found it intimidating. "Yes I do." it was the same as his, though I had two white stars on my lapel to denote my status as the doctor.

"Run back and put it on. The passengers won't obey you unless you wear it. We need every part of the uniform we can get." he was telling me to look like an officer so people would obey my orders. I dashed back to my room and put on my black trousers with my heeled shoes, then the uniform jacket. I had the two stars on the lapels along with two gold rings on the cuffs of the jacket, denoting my status as the senior doctor. The assistant had backed out at the last minute due to family problems and I said I'd soldier on alone. My White Star Line hat was black as well but it had a white band around the bill to make me more distinctive. White gloves on, I picked up the sentimental note from Murdoch and put it in my pocket, knowing I wasn't coming back.

Walking back to the bridge in formal uniform, I attracted some stares but not too many. The way my figure was, I couldn't button up the front two buttons of the jacket as my bust got in the way. My white undershirt plainly showed and it was buttoned up tightly. The necklace I was wearing that night glinted in the light of the running lamps on the deck and even more so when I went into the bridge again.

There was a quick conference in the chart room and I heard Andrews's proclamation that the ship would sink. Filing out, the ship's carpenter, Ismay, and Andrews left the chart room and the officers came out to stand around me. Smith gave the order to Boxhall to go wake the other officers up and Wilde went off somewhere.

"Dr. Van Doren!" Smith saw me finally. "I haven't seen you in uniform since the day you boarded the ship!"

"Me in my civilian gear made me more approachable as a doctor," I explained. "now is the time when I start acting like a real professional."

"In what capacity, though?" he asked gently.

"As a sailor, sir. I have studied nautical subjects ever since I came aboard the _Suevic._ I figure I can double my own value in each capacity as sailor and a doctor." I drew myself up firmly, squaring my shoulders. Smith smiled.

"Well spoken, Dr. Van Doren." he complimented me and left the bridge.

Murdoch gave me a grin and told me I looked great in uniform. Doubtless if this was any other time he would have found it perhaps erotic! I mock saluted him and he returned it, giggling.

"I'm glad to ditch the dress!" I laughed for a moment as Moody came out with a yellow line in his hands. He put one around his neck, Murdoch was wearing one, and they put one on my neck as well.

"Don't I get a crown and a septor to go with this?" I winked.

"Things will get nasty, just making sure you are prepared." Boxhall came in and tightened up my line a bit, giving me a wink that I drew strength from. Boxhall was such a good-looking officer and I was not surprised to hear from Lightoller that women chased him on board whatever ship he was on!

"So this makes me the honorary 7th officer?"

"If you wish it, yes. Henry and I will be working the starboard side boats and I want you to help Charles with the port side. Follow his orders and don't be afraid to use force if you have to." Murdoch directed me as we walked out on the starboard side of the ship. Boxhall and Moody ran off to help Wilde uncover the boats and Murdoch joined in as well. Pitman and Lightoller showed up, looking very surprised to seeing me in uniform.

Smith took them aside and filled them in on the situation, telling them that I had been assigned the honorary 7th officer position and I was to be under Lightoller's direction all the time. The second officer nodded and looked at me as I started stripping off the canvas that covered the boats. The ratings helped out, winding up the block and tackles, positioning the davits outward and readying the boats. The steam valves shut off and I realized I hadn't even noticed that the ship's engines had been turned off.

Knocking off the canvas over the whole row of boats on the port side was a tough job and I tucked the canvas down onto the floor as a rating climbed in and readied the oars, checked the plugs, etc. I came back to the front of the line to see Lightoller trying to marshal people into the boats and he wasn't having much success. Through my influence as a doctor, I managed to get some people in.

At about 12:30, Lightoller threw off his greatcoat and tossed it aside carelessly, keeping his yellow lines on. I gave a hand to a few elderly ladies and settled them in without ado. Faintly, I heard Lowe tell off Ismay and Ismay seemed to regain his bearings a bit. I hopped over onto the deck and guided Ismay to the starboard side where I sat him down in a deck chair and tried to calm him down a bit. Everything I said just went in one ear and out the other so I gave him a bit of brandy to help restore his senses a bit more.

Far too soon, we were up on the roof of the officer's quarters cutting down the collapsible boats. I switched places with Colonel Gracie and bumped into Murdoch.

"Hello, Katrina!" the dry Scottish humor would never be lost on him.

"Hello, Will!" I snapped the rope off.

"What's that?"

"What?"

"Your necklace." he stared at it. It was a pewter pendant in the shape of a hummingbird.

"My mom gave it to me and told me I was her hummingbird. When I was a kid, I never could sit still!"

"I like it." we worked on another rope snare until it snapped free. Reaching up, I took the necklace and ripped it off my neck and put it into Murdoch's hands.

"Keep it until we meet again!" Murdoch had to leave for a moment to tend to something else and when he came back, he went right back next to me as I wrestled with the last rope.

"I couldn't!" the roaring of the water was getting deafening.

"You can and you will!" I barked out.

"You sound like an officer now!" he bumped into me and I felt something but it might have been the water rushing between us. I snapped off the last rope and floated the boat.

"Then follow my order! Until we meet again!" I gave him a kiss farewell before a wave ripped between us. I clung onto the side of the boat and looked around for Murdoch, but I couldn't see him anywhere. I managed a wave to Wilde and Moody, then saw that Moody was having problems keeping away from the broken windows with all the suction of the water going in. Plunging into the water, I grabbed his hand and hiked him away from the broken gym windows.

"James! Swim for all you're worth! Those stacks will go at any minute!" the guy rigging started to snap and we struck out away from the ship. The _Titanic_ groaned as the water flowed freely through her now and everything not bolted down began to go forwards into the hull.

"Oi, you two! Come on!" Lowe signaled us from his boat with a flashlight. Gratefully, Moody and I helped each other to get to boat 14 and we managed to get into it somehow. One of the women engulfed us in blankets while the others watched the tragedy happen. I knew without looking that the ship was openly sticking up her ass, the pressure was separating the bow and stern from each other and at the weakest point, where her engines were, the ship snapped in half. Thunderous crashes sounded as everything mobile went into the bow.

My doctor's senses came out in me and I briskly rubbed Moody down, trying to keep his circulation going. We'd been in the water for a few minutes but hypothermia wouldn't take long. The sixth officer looked tired and listless but I encouraged him to keep his wits about him until we were rescued. I took his torso into my arms and kept up a reassuring stream of babble but stopped when I realized that he wasn't listening. He was staring at the stern of the ship, mouth open in shock as it began to sink. I enfolded my arms around Moody and he grasped them gratefully, happy to have someone there with him as the stern disappeared.

As for me, I kept my wits until I heard the screams and cries of the people in the water after the ship went down. Moody was sitting up alertly now so I turned my head away and let the tears fall from my eyes as I mourned the dead and dying. Murdoch and Wilde were gone and so was Smith and hundreds of others. I'd managed to help Moody but I wished I could help them all. I'd never know what became of Murdoch or Wilde and that bothered me.

Numbly like I was on auto-pilot, I helped Lowe and Moody reorganize the passengers and we set off into the icy water wasteland of bodies, looking for alive ones. We kept rowing for the exercise and to keep warm, though I felt numb with exhaustion.

A few were alive, though I tried to help ones that were semi-dead, and they did not rouse. Several died and I muttered that my talents and skills were useless.

"Katrina?" Moody touched my shoulder as Lowe kept shouting. "Are you all right?"

"Gone!" I said in a low voice. "My skills, James, they're nothing! I can't save them!"

"Some of them were too far gone when we came," he shushed me. "you did your best and that's all we could ask for."

"Oh, James... Murdoch's gone."

"A lot of people are," he said not unkindly. "come on over here." it was his turn to wrap me in a hug as Lowe came back to the other boats.


	9. Chapter 9

Time passed until dawn broke and along with it, the _Carpathia_. Lowe and Moody along with me sat down in deck chairs and we waited to see how many of the other officers survived. Pitman spotted us and bear hugged me, followed by Boxhall and we all went inside. A first class couple had volunteered their stateroom's extra room for all of us and we gratefully accepted.

A few hours later, the door opened and a steward came in. The other officers had gone to help take head counts and names, so it was just me. "Dr. Van Doren, another officer has just come on board."

I looked up from where I was sitting at the writing desk and saw someone familiar coming into the room with a grin on his face. "Charles?!" it'd been a long time since I'd come on board and I'd forgotten about Lightoller. He welcomed a hug and pecked me on the cheek as I forced back tears. Hope arose in me that he might have seen Murdoch, but I knew he hadn't, so I banished the thought. When he let me go, he told me that I still looked like a great officer and I'd inspired some of the other passengers to take up my profession at doctoring.

I wasn't sure of this, wondering if he was just making it up to help me, though it would be unlike him. He didn't tell white lies just because he could.

"Joseph wants to see you. He doesn't feel too well and he's coming in now. I have to inspect the lifeboats with Herbert." Lightoller gave me a reassuring squeeze on the arm and left the room. A few minutes later, Boxhall came in, looking a bit paler than he usually was. I knew a pleurisy was waiting to happen. Doubtless a cold had settled on him outside in the lifeboats last night and it had infected his pleura. Come to think of it, I didn't feel too well myself.

"Pleurisy, Joseph," I proclaimed. "tell the ship's doctor here to go and get yourself a cough suppressant. You don't have a fever yet, so we have to head it off before it gets bad."

"Right." his voice was a bit raspy. "Thanks, Katrina." he went off and did as I directed him to. My throat was bothering me and had been since that idiot Dan had tried to strangle me. I thought it was best to get my throat checked out as well, so I did.

My rest that night was brief and interrupted. I think none of us slept very well on board the ship. Often times I would wake up and see someone else's bunk was vacant. The night before we docked, I went out to the boat deck and looked over to see Lowe and Lightoller standing at the railing, talking quietly together. Lightoller saw me first and nudged Lowe.

"What are you doing up, Katrina? It's past 3."

"I wanted to check on Joseph," I half lied. "he's ill and I wanted to keep a strict eye on him." I coughed a little bit, evidence to my own chest cold that was just developing. "I saw you two out here."

"We can't sleep. Nightmares."

"Me too, Charles." Lowe looked at me and I could see he was holding himself together and he was on the point of breaking. I opened up my arms and he hugged me, his tears dampening my bathrobe. It was still very cold outside but I wasn't about to let go of him for anything. He needed the emotional release and I stood there and gave him words of encouragement as he cried. Grief and trauma were like a puddle in a muddy road to me. It filled up with grief or any kind of emotion to the point of overflowing sometimes and if the sun didn't come out, it would overflow in every direction. Hopefully I was the sun to Lowe's puddle of grief, allowing it to dry up and hoping that he would heal.

Lightoller gave me a smile and watched as the junior officer cried himself out and began to compose himself. I pulled out a handkerchief and mopped his face, pecking him on the cheek. "You were so brave, Harold. You went back when nobody else did."

"Don't remind me yet," looking drained, he gave me a return peck on the cheek. "thank you. Sometimes I can't believe how strong you really are."

"Thanks." Lowe excused himself, ready to give sleep another chance. I checked on Lightoller and he was looking after me as well.

"How are you feeling?" he touched his hand to my face where I knew it was still too pale and his concerned blue eyes bore into mine.

"Tired and unable to sleep. I know I've got a throat infection and a chest cold coming up soon."

"Damn. That happens." we sat down on the deck chairs and Lightoller allowed me to curl up next to him as the sun rose.

When we arrived in New York, we were all put up in the Waldorf-Astoria hotel. All the officers including me went into one room that was thankfully big enough to accomodate all of us. I was worried about Boxhall, though. His cough was starting to produce trace amounts of blood and I procured medicine to suppress the coughs and he took it gratefully. As for me, I had no pleurisy, but my cold had decided to start raging and I had bad coughs myself.

Boxhall I allowed to testify for one day and that was a mistake. He was too sick to stand and by the next day, I had confined him to bed and left Pitman to look after him as I needed to testify that day. I dressed in a newly acquired black dress with white lace at the throat and wrists, my hair was up in a coiled braid, and I wore no makeup. The room was quiet as I made my entrance and I walked down to the podium, feeling the eyes of my fellow officers watching me.

Senator Smith appraised me and asked where Boxhall was.

"He is quite ill, sir and unable to rise from his bed," I secretly cherished the thought that Smith had made him sicker. "I have to warn you that I am ill myself and this is the one chance you will get to examine me."

"Are you giving me an ultimatum?"

"I'm a doctor, sir! I know my own illness and what it entails! If you please, let's just get this over with!" the officers were all hiding smirks as I put Smith in his place. I could sense the guffaws just itching to erupt from their throats. Smith measured me up with his eyes and to my surprise, didn't reprimand me but got on with the questioning.

I gave the essential information, my life on board the _Titanic_, the passengers I saw with illness or injury, covered the cut on Lowe's arm, mentioned my suspicions about Boxhall's pleuritis, outlined the time I spent with the officers, then finished off on what I had done during the disaster. I was getting irritated with the repeated questions and shifted a glance at Lowe and Lightoller, telling them I was up to something. I was ill, Smith was wasting his time with me and I wanted to get back to my room and sleep so I could put my cold to rest.

When Smith asked me a question for the 3rd time, I decided I would do a little performance.

"Sir, I must ask to leave, I am quite ill."

"You will answer the question!" he demanded. That was it! I could feel a fever coming on and I had to get out. I put a hand up to my forehead and sighed loudly, looking pathetic in a theatrical sense of the word.

"Sir-" I pretended to faint, falling on the floor, much to the surprise of the audience. My friends came over and I knew that they knew I was acting because Lowe was acting as well. He had the theatrical edge to his voice, a little more brusque and louder than usual.

"Sir, she is too sick to continue!" he protested as Lightoller picked me up.

"Very well, take her away." I heard the double doors open and close.

"Keep your eyes closed until we reach the elevator," Lightoller advised me in a low voice as he crossed the vestibule. He got in and put me down, pressing the button for the floor we were housed on. "you certainly cast him in a bad light."

"I meant it when I said that I am sick."

"I know. You look pale and I could feel your fever through your clothes." he walked me to the suite and made sure I would be all right as I got into bed. Pitman was wanted to testify, so Lightoller took over the watch on us two sickies.

It was a long week, though towards the end of it I was feeling better. Boxhall too was rallying and we were able to move around the suite and make the occasional forays down to testify and be cross-examined. Dan was mentioned, though he'd gone down with the ship, and I willingly answered the questions flung at me. Smith's lack of nautical knowledge was funny to me and I was looking at Pitman near the end of my time in the room and he knew I was trying not to laugh.


	10. Chapter 10

The day came when we boarded the _Majestic _back to England to face another inquiry. I did not like the idea of setting foot on a ship again, but there were revised laws being penned and everyone was apprehensive.

Lightoller had become protective of me and I appreciated it. Since my main reason for being on ships was gone, mainly Dan and his stalker ways, I found myself wondering if anything else would interest me in my profession. There was a lot to be considered, but I put it off for later. Everyone seemed to know how jittery I was and they tried to reassure me to no end. Appreciative of the gestures, but they were wearing thin. Now wearing my civilian clothes, I had opted for a gray dress with a black bolero as a sign of mourning. I wore my uniform jacket over it and was reaching into my pocket to pull out my gloves when I felt a piece of notebook paper lodged into it.

My name was written on it in Murdoch's handwriting. How? He hadn't survived!

"_Katrina,_

_"I apologize for not telling you this in person, but you know we will soon be swamped with work on the lifeboats and there won't be any time later. I wanted to thank you for helping me out. I was stung and a little resentful of you when you first entered the ship, though mainly annoyed at myself because I was attracted to you instantly. My past with my ex wife was bitter and stifled. She was not a free spirit like you are. You have a love for ships she never had and I don't want you to lose that love ever._

_"I bequeath to you my Southampton house if I do not survive. Do with it as you see fit. If you do sell it, please box up my things and send them to my sister and my parents. If there are pictures of me you might like, then by all means keep them._

_"You're a real catch, Katrina, and I hope that if I don't play out in your future, that you find someone worthy of you. Don't ever lose that fire and love for life you possess._

_"All the best now and forever,_

_"William McMaster Murdoch._

_"PS-thank you for the hummingbird. It's the perfect way for me to remember you no matter what."_

"Katrina, you've hardly spoken since you came down sick. Tell me what's going on in your head." Lightoller sat down opposite me, blue eyes full of worry.

I spoke my true feelings about Murdoch and showed Lightoller the letter I'd just found. His eyes began to get watery as well. Offering his help in any way, I accepted it and asked him if he'd help me sort through Murdoch's things and decide what to keep and sent to his parents. Murdoch was one of Lightoller's dearest friends and I hoped he'd tell stories about his late friend as we worked.

It was a quiet voyage back home and when we docked, Lightoller asked me if I had a place to stay. I replied that I didn't, I lived on ship only. He took me to his bachelor home near the quiet side of Southampton and told me to stay as long as I wanted with no charge. I thanked him for it and settled down in a bedroom next to his. We shared a few quiet days together and aside from the inquiry, we spent time boxing up Murdoch's things and shipping them to his parents and sister. I set aside some photos that I liked and his nautical equipment set that had his name engraved on the brass nameplate. It was symbolic, he'd had my hummingbird necklace to remember me by in his last moments. I was like a hummingbird still as my mom would say, never sitting still, always up to something. I now had his nautical set to remember him and the oceans and ships that he loved.

Several days of boxing and shipping plus me claiming some things, I arranged for a real estate agent to come out and put the place up for sale. I met Murdoch's parents and sister, was polite and distant to them all. Lightoller, Lowe, Pitman, Moody, and Boxhall came up to pay their respects to the family as well. They supported me through it, consoled the family, then the rest of the day evaporated in a blur of grief.

For the next few weeks while the inquiry dragged on, I went to testify and be interrogated several times. My irritation was building up but I forced it back. Depression was building up inside of me and I knew Lightoller knew something was going on. I had become antisocial, I wouldn't leave my room unless I had to. I didn't want to get out of bed and when I did, I would sit in the window seat in the living room and gaze outside listlessly. Barely eating, I wasted down significantly until Lightoller told me that I looked like a skeleton.

The poor guy was at his wit's end about me. To make him feel better, I went back to my old self though it was forced when he was around. He told me to tell him what was bothering me but I couldn't give voice to my emotions. Lightoller looked hurt that I couldn't do it and went to bed while I sat around, racking my brains about how to tell him what I was feeling.

I tripped over my book pile and nearly conked my head on my writing desk one night. I swore and was ready to throw a fit when I stopped and sat down. Maybe writing it all out was the answer. I'd been holding it all in for far too long now. Murdoch would want me to heal. Glancing up, I saw the framed picture of Murdoch and Lightoller on the deck of the _Oceanic_ that I'd snapped up fast. I put a pen into the inkwell and began to write it all out. It felt good to let it all out in the open and as I turned out the light, I wondered if Lightoller would think any less of me.

The next night I handed over the missive to Lightoller while he sat on his favorite chair near the fireplace. I went to sit in the window seat while he read it.

Lightoller finished it and I heard a deep intake of breath from him as he laid the papers aside and went over to me. Sitting beside me, he enveloped me in his arms and cried. I returned the gesture and said goodbye to my pride as I cried and sobbed for Will.

"I never ever expected to feel this way for someone I only knew for a week." I remarked sadly as I mopped my eyes.

"Made all the more poignant by the fact that the disaster just cemented our memories of the ship," Lightoller pulled away from me gently and wiped his own face. "he always did talk about you when we chatted before a watch. I know he was quite taken with you."

"Really?"

"Sure! Remember when you two had sex on board the _Titanic_? I told him to go in to see you and tell you how he felt!"

"Oh!" I started to snigger. "There was no question in my mind about how he felt!"

Both of us started to laugh and I giggled even more when I pictured Murdoch standing near us, shaking his head at how juvenile we were being.

"Remember the good times, Katrina," Lightoller told me affectionately, brushing some stray hair out of my face. "can you do that?"

"I'll sure as hell try," I shut my eyes for a moment and looked at Lightoller, really seeing him for the first time since the accident. He had charming blue eyes and brown hair, work-roughened lines in his face that were worked into his flesh by his years at sea, and the sparkle of good humor he'd gotten back in those blue eyes. He seemed to feel the same way about me, for his eyes lingered on mine long after I had removed my own glance from him.

"Charles, you seem more like yourself today."

"That's good, isn't it?" he teased, making me chuckle again. We sat down on the sofa and he put his arms around me protectively.

"Yes, though I'm not some meek little simpleton who needs protecting every hour of the day."

"Right. Well, sometimes it is necessary." was I mistaken or was there a spark between us? Maybe it was the mutual loss, but Lightoller was looking at me in a different light that night. I did not encourage his new feeling that night, as I was too emotionally drained to do much. I fell asleep with him by my side, both of us lay down on the couch as the dying embers of the fire extinguished itself in a puff of smoke.


	11. Chapter 11

"I will not leave you, Katrina," was that Lightoller or Murdoch talking to me? I was still asleep though it did sound like Lightoller's voice and it roused me a little bit. I felt a little tug at my right ear, as my left cheek was against his chest. "for Will, I will look after you. You're a beautiful lady."

I think that was when friendship crossed the barrier and careened into something more than just friends. He was developing feelings for me! I was unsure of how to respond to that, but I'd have some time today as the hearings were still going on. My eyes opened up and Lightoller told me it was time to get ready for the inquiry proceedings yet again. He had to be examined and so did Lowe. Boxhall was getting well and I was pleased with his progress as the pleurisy was almost gone. He still looked frail, but he had a healthy tinge to his cheeks now.

I dressed in a gray-blue skirt with a white lace shirt, did my hair up in the usual chignon, tied on my shoes, then taking Lightoller's arm, we went to the hearings.

Sitting with Pitman and Boxhall, I tuned out the hearing going on around me and focused in on my feelings. Murdoch was gone, but the feelings I had for him would never be truly gone. What was I to do now? Dan was gone which meant I didn't need to hide anymore. My brain told me to stay in ships and continue to be a doctor, as I was good at it and I loved the excitement that came with it. _Titanic_ was a tragedy, but thanks to the new laws, the accident wouldnt be repeated, or if it did, there would be plenty of boats on board to accomodate all. Nothing would stay the same ship wise anyway. I did like ship doctoring, meeting new people, etc.

Sorting out matters of the heart was another matter. All while I was sick, I'd had dreams of Murdoch being drowned and other horrible ways he'd meet his end. Those dreams had gone for now, thankfully. I liked the Scot a lot and I would have come to love him in a short time, as he'd done with me. We'd finished our relationship not quite sure of how to define it on the ship, but now I knew. It might have been lust at first sight almost 2 months ago, but it would have grown into love. He seemed to me an easy guy to fall in love with and I wanted that love.

Little wonder how I'd fallen for him just as the ship was starting to sink! Life was so tricky at times to navigate. My mind zoomed back to when we saw each other just after the ship grazed the berg and I'd always remember how worried he looked, then he relaxed some when he saw me. He knew that no matter what, I'd still be there for him. I must have been the last person alive to see him before he drowned. Remember the good times, Lightoller had told me. I remembered the kiss Murdoch and I shared just before we were separated. That was one moment I could treasure forever.

I didn't want to sequester myself away and let grief become me, that was the thing. I'd seen grief consume some of my patients and it wasn't for me! I had better control of my mental faculties than most people my age and I would live my life the way I wanted. Righteous indignation churned up inside my very soul and I made a determined promise to myself to find the happiness I deserved and live a happy life. That would be the most appropriate way to honor Murdoch's-Will's-memory.

Hearing Lowe speak of the way Dan tried to attack me on the bridge was kind of funny. He described him as a "ruddy-faced brute who ruled by fear and was a slave to alcohol of any kind." true and Lowe put a twist on those words, embellishing it with his kind of flair.

In a better mood than that morning, I gladly accepted the invitation to have supper with the rest of the officers. Lord Mersey had declared that I was indeed the 7th officer on board the _Titanic_ and would be noted as the 7th officer and senior surgeon. An officer on call, so to speak.

"You look much better than you did," Boxhall commented as we sat down at a table. "feeling all right?"

"Yes. I came to a realization today that I would honor Will's memory the best by carrying on with my life the way I intended."

"Good for you!" Pitman told me vehemently. "We all owe it to him to do it, I think."

"Very much so," Moody pushed his chair in a bit as the waiter came in.

Lightoller gave me an appraisal with his ice blue eyes and smiled, saying nothing. I'd finally realized what he'd determined a long time ago.

It was just like Lightoller to do that as well. He never would take shortcuts, just do the honest work that was required of him and sometimes more. He knew there were certain things I had to come to terms with on my own and he knew I'd get there.

Lightoller had faith in me and that was one of the best compliments I'd ever gotten.

Life settled back down. I got a posting on board Lightoller's favorite ship, the _Oceanic_, and he was posted to the same ship as chief officer. Moody was also there, though Lowe and Pitman were assigned to the _Suevic_.

The _Oceanic_ was new to me. I set up shop like usual the day before sailing, then checked my stocks of everything that I would need. The steward took my list and went down to fetch the items necessary while I did the physicals of the new recruits.

One of them, 4th officer Beckett, a pale faced 20 year old, looked extremely sick to me. He had blonde hair and green eyes, normal build, and he was rather soft spoken like Boxhall. Boxhall was on board the _Adriatic_ at the moment, though. Jack Beckett looked meek and unassuming, though I recalled the old saying that it was the quiet ones you had to look after the most. There was a strange tinge to his features and not until he left did I realize what it was.

Beckett had a bad liver infection! No wonder why he was so yellow. I'd mistakenly let him go about his duties, but it wouldn't be long before I heard from him again. He must have had some chronic liver disease or he was an alcoholic to wind up that way. Then again, I was wondering about the possibility of hepatitis A which was what children usually got. Oh well, I'd see him again soon then I'd figure it out.

My policy of never assuming anything I would always revert to. I didn't assume anything concerning Beckett and he wasn't a disruptive person. It was 2 months after the disaster of the sinking and I was just happy to be back on board a ship. The _Olympic_ was getting overhauled at the moment and the _Oceanic_ was the only ship free to do the Mediterranean run.

"Dr. Brannigan, would you bring Mr. Moody in here, please?" my assistant surgeon gave me a polite nod and left the quarters. He was a medical student, not officially licensed to practice yet, but he would bring in more respect with my calling him doctor. Brannigan was a little fat, but had a cherubic face and was wonderfully well mannered.

Moody was now the 3rd officer so he was moving right up in the ranks. His heroism had played through wonderfully to his advantage and he'd gotten promoted. He sat down at my desk, a flush of deja vu running through us both, then he took off his hat and asked me what was up.

"Beckett has a liver infection. He's not hospitalized yet, but as soon as he can't perform his duties, send for me and I'll take care of him."

"Sounds bad."

"Yes, his face and skin have all gone yellow. That's a bad sign." I wasn't about to go into the lecture of the liver being too diseased to absorb and produce bilirubin which was stored in the gallbladder and helped break down what was digested in the stomach.

"All right. If that is all?"

"You betcha," I stood up and followed him outside. "nice route, we don't have to worry about bergs that much."

"Very true. We will have a good start on the summer tourist season when that comes along next month." we parted and I went into my room for a good long sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

The voyage was smooth and trouble free. Beckett did collapse because of his infection, Brannigan and I took him in and gave him some new medication that had just started to come out. He responded well and by the end of the first week of the voyage, he was able to handle half shifts. Lightoller and Moody came in at intervals to see him and he was honored by their warmth towards him. I didn't think that Beckett had been given that kind of attention if at all during his tenure, so it was all the more poignant coming from his own senior officers.

One day after Beckett was fully healed, the _Oceanic _was docked and Lightoller stopped in at my quarters, asking me if I wanted to go swimming with him and the other off duty officers.

"Yeah!"

"Do you have a suit?"

"No but I'll improvise." I pulled on a bra and took an old pair of pants, cut them into shorts and slipped them on. Putting my hair up in a braid, I grabbed a towel and joined the men on the lifeboat as they rowed into a quiet bay.

"That's what you're wearing?" Moody and Lightoller eyed me up and down while Beckett gave me a look of appreciation.

"Oh come on! Nobody's gonna notice." I winked and when we got close enough, I jumped off the boat and dived into the water.

Bras were mainstream now and old biddies liked to stay with corsets. Sometimes I would use one but I hated it, finding it too confining for my taste. I wasn't really good at swimming, but I knew enough to keep me from drowning. The officers grounded the lifeboat and splashed in after me. All were wearing old boxers and sleeveless shirts under the sun. The beach was nice and sandy, the trees waved in a gentle breeze. To me, it was paradise.

I swam for a good half an hour, then sunned myself a bit on the beach, watching a pair of crabs mating in a nearby tidal pool. Lightoller and Moody were preoccupied with doing something, I couldn't see, then Beckett came up and sat beside me.

"Lovely view, isn't it?" he shaded his eyes and adjusted his position so he was lying under the trees like me.

"It is. Very picturesque." I smiled at him.

"Forgive me for being so forward, but do you have a significant other?"

"No. Though I did fall in love once."

"Might I ask who?"

"The first officer of the _Titanic_," I replied. "it just sort of happened."

"Did he go down with the ship?"

"Unfortunately."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's OK. I dealt with my grief and I want to live my life to the fullest."

"That's a good promise to make to yourself and him."

"There hasn't been anyone else since him, but I'm not looking." I said matter-of-factly. Beckett seemed to shrink back a little bit.

"I apologize if I was too forward."

"It's OK, really. I'd be honored if you'd be one of my friends on this ship." I gave him a smile to instill more confidence and forget his embarrassment. We gossiped for awhile and I grinned when he told me that the captain of the ship had a habit of perpetually getting lost belowdecks.

When we started to go back, I saw Lightoller was shooting glances at me and when he helped me on board the ship again, I realized he was staring at my exposed midriff. Ladies back then didn't do that but I considered myself one of the forerunners of the future. Nobody stared at my white lacy bra as that didn't give anything away and all attention was directed to the belly. I was trim as an officer and a doctor and there were no smart remarks made about how I looked.

There were no new patients when I got back in, so I threw a long white coat over my body and checked up on the current patients. Brannigan was doing a good job keeping them and I told him so.

"Thank you, Dr. Van Doren!" he beamed happily. "You can take the night off if you want!"

"I think I will! I've got saltwater in my hair." I went away into my quarters and showered off all the sand and seawater profusely, choosing my long white pants, shoes, white shirt and white uniform jacket. White was the standard color for traveling in the warmer climate and I couldn't say that I was surprised by that. I put on the hat and went up to the bridge.

Moody took me in for the 4 hour watch, instructing me on all the stuff they had to do and made sure that I knew how to navigate. Taking lessons from him was invigorating in itself, taking me out and telling me which celestial objects to look for. He tutored me for the better part of an hour and when it was dark out and no more things I needed to learn, he leaned on one of the telegraph controls and looked at me casually.

"What?"

"Did you know that Lightoller has been acting a bit weirdly?"

"No, I haven't had much time to come down here." I leaned against the doorframe of the bridge.

"He's acting a little lightheaded if you will... I can't really describe it."

"Huh. Soon as the shift's up, I'll go and get a blood sample from him. He might be anemic."

"You're not officially on watch!" Moody scolded me. "He'll be in his room now, doing some paperwork. Go!"

"Fine!" I giggled and grabbed the necessary supplies. Lightoller was sitting at his desk, writing a letter to his sister when I came in. He looked up at me in surprise as I put down the tourniquet, needle syringe and a blood vial. "Roll up your sleeve, Charles."

"Which one?"

"Both of them. I need to take some of your blood to test. Come on, hike 'em up!" he gave me a look of flabbergast as he meekly obliged, taking off his jacket and rolling up the sleeves to his white shirt. I tied on the elastic and checked the veins in his arms, picking out a good candidate and swearing when I lost it a few times. Picking out veins to tap sure was tricky and I had so much difficulty with it in med school that I nearly flunked phlebotomy. Finally, I found one and without a word, put in the needle. I had to draw back a little bit and was rewarded when a welcome spurt of his dark blood flowed into the tube. Taking enough, I withdrew the needle and bandaged the mark.

"This is where the interesting part of science comes in." I told him, tilting the tube back and forth a few times.

"Why do you need my blood? I'm not sick."

"Moody reported that you were acting a little off and I wanted to check you for a few things. That's all." I smiled sweetly and made to leave, but Lightoller barred my way.

"Charles, don't make me get the Master-at-arms."

"I don't mean to threaten, but can I observe?"

I shrugged. "Fine. I have to get this done quick before the blood coagulates." he didn't understand what coagulating meant but he stood aside and followed me up to the sick bay. I brought out a microscope, one of the new high powered ones that plugged into the wall, then brought out a slide. The microscope kit was packaged into a small flat box and contained a number of blank slides and two bottles of iodine solution. First off, I opened the vial of blood while Lightoller watched me, using an eyedropper to put about two drops of his blood onto the slide. I picked up one of the bottles, unscrewed the top, then added a drop of the solution into the blood. Putting a cover over it, I slid it onto the little stage of the scope, then looked through it.

"Hmmm... normal platelets, two white blood cells.. everything else looks good. Your red blood cells are not anemic." I let him look into the microscope.

"These are my actual cells?"

"They are." he looked for a few minutes and turned to me. Before I could say anything, a sharp pain flared at my back and I nearly yelped.

"What is it?" Lightoller saw the expression of pain on my face and reached out a hand to me.

"Something just bit me."

"Where?" I hitched up my shirt and allowed him to look at my back, since Brannigan wasn't around. "Kat, you have a huge sunburn on your back!"

"Aw, crimeny!" I straightened up and turned to face my friend. "I'm not going to sleep tonight, I'll tell ya! My back will hurt me all night long!"

"Do you usually sleep like that?"

"Yeah! I get the most restful sleep from lying supine or faceup." I started to rummage through the shelves of my medicinal stock. "Where's that aloe oil I used on Lowe's hand? Ah, here it is!" I seized the small jar and turned to go to my quarters.

"Need some help with that stuff?"

"If you please, yes I do." I admitted. "I can't dislocate my arms to do this."

"Thank god for that," Lightoller accompanied me to my room and watched, sitting on my bed as I stripped off the shirt and bra with my back to him, and grabbed a small bath towel to cover up my front top half. I changed into my pajama pants in the loo, then came over to the bed and still clutching the towel to myself, I lay down in the prone position so he could reach my back.

I heard him unscrew the jar and I winced as a slight gust of wind came through the window. Lightoller didn't notice my discomfort then, as he put down the lid of the jar and put a few fingers into it. The smell of the eucalyptus and aloe permeated the room and I sighed, allowing it to soothe me for a moment. The coolness of the mixture soothed my red and irritated back and I closed my eyes in the momentary comfort.

"Not falling asleep on me, are you?" Lightoller's voice made me stir a little bit.

"It's the only bit of sleep I'm likely to get tonight," my drowsy voice sounded. "it's just going to keep hurting all night no matter how many times we put this stuff on it."

His fingers left me for a moment to get more from the jar and slathered it on me. "Would it help you if you were elevated?"

"The only relief I would get is if I was propped up at a slight 90 degree angle." I demonstrated. "My stuff can't exactly help me there."

"Well..." Lightoller said no more as he finished rubbing the salve onto my angry back and I sensed he was moving about though I didn't know why. My eyes had shut and I was already drifting off. I came awake as I was aware of Lightoller sliding next to me onto the bed, his uniform jacket tossed over the chair of my writing desk. He loosened up his shirt a bit, kicked off his shoes, smiled at me, then positioned me as I'd demonstrated before.

"Charles, won't we get in trouble for this?"

"No. Besides, one glance at your burned back and they would understand." he assured me as I got more comfortable. He latched his right hand with my left one and pulled it over so he could see it better. My right ear was over his heart and I had to smile at him. He was so gracious sometimes.

"Now how do you feel?"

"Tired, painful, sleepy." pain flared up but it wasn't as bad as before. Still, Lightoller saw how it affected me and he gave me an encouraging grin, holding my hand a little tighter.

"Go to sleep then." he pecked my forehead.

"Thanks for helping me." I was drifting off and unable to kiss him back. He chuckled once and picked up a book I had with me as my head went down onto his chest and I went to sleep.

_I was on the_ Titanic _again and working next to Murdoch. We had just severed a rope from one of the falls and were moving to get the other one cut when the ship lurched and both of us were thrown into the sea. I could see Murdoch floundering in the ocean, trying to reach me as I kept trying to get to him but I never seemed to be able to gain any distance. The guy rigging for the funnels started snapping and I heard a thunderous metallic groaning and creaking as the forward stack fell completely onto a herd of swimmers in the water. _

_"God!" I screamed out, spying a floating door and I hauled myself up onto it. "Son of a bitch!"_

_"Kat!" Murdoch's voice rang out clearly and I got over to him like a surfer would, using the door like a surfboard._

_"Will!" he clambered up next to me and the door did not sink any lower. He hacked and spit out the saltwater, grumbling to himself for a moment while he arranged himself on the door. I was uncontrollably shivering by then, my whole body wracked with the tremors. "I'm g-gonna freeze to d-d-death!"_

_If he hadn't already been pale, he would have turned even whiter. "Don't think like that! Please, Kat! We'll get out of this mess alive!"_

_I exhaled and coughed like someone punched me in the stomach. "Will..."_

_"Come on!" he propped me up as the ship went through the death throes and I heard a massive bubbling sound as she finally sank. "Tired, are you?"_

_"Yeah! C-come on, I n-never was cut out for this s-sort of thing!" forcing some energy into my voice was catching me out dearly. Exhausted, I closed my eyes though Murdoch repeatedly told me not to. If it was the type of death I would submit to, I was glad just to drift off into sleep and never wake up._

"Kat, come on, wake up!"

I gave a breathy sigh and kept my eyes closed. Screw everyone else, why won't they let me rest?

"Kat?" that wasn't Murdoch's voice. "Time to get up." Lightoller.

Pain flared up in my back and I remembered what was going on. I'd been swimming the day before and roasted my back with a first degree sunburn. Before I could help myself, a whimper of pain shot out of my mouth and I shut my eyes tightly.

"Kat?" I opened up one eye to see Lightoller looking at me worriedly. "Are you all right?"

Another flare of pain and I shut my eyes tightly again. Damn these sunburns were agonizingly slow to heal! "No," I said with a little laugh. "sunburns always get worse before they get better."

"Let me get the salve for your back." he shifted and a gust of air came in through the porthole at the same time. The air didn't bother me as badly as it had the night before and I could withstand Lightoller's moving about without causing me any pain. I heard him open up the jar again and slather on the salve generously, working it in well between my shoulder blades where it hurt the most. I brought my arms together in front of me and put my chin on my wrists, allowing the soothing smell of the eucalyptus to take away the discomfort.

"You slept like a rock last night," Lightoller told me, his fingers moving down my spine. "I had to get up for my watch and when I came back, you never even moved."

I didn't say anything, just gave off a little sigh as I remembered the dream. It was so real and yet it was fake. The mind was incredibly deceiving when it wanted to be. For a moment I thought that I had died in Murdoch's arms. Why on earth would I dream that? I didn't want to die to be with him and I'd made the promise to myself to live life to the fullest for both of us. Some thought that dreams were like messages from the mind in our subconscious states, but I knew better than to think that. Attaching importance to dreams I completely disregarded and had ever since I was a little girl. My parents had always told me that dreams meant nothing and I completely believed it.

"Kat?"

"Yes?"

"You didn't answer me. I asked you whether or not there were any new patients last night."

"No there weren't. Anyway, how was everything on watch? You didn't bitch out Moody for setting me on you?"

Lightoller sniggered to himself as he put the lid back on the jar. "No indeed. He was off watch by then anyway."

"Good. Charles, did Will serve on board this ship?"

"He did. Why?" Lightoller sat down on the bed next to me and looked into my eyes like he was reading a book.

"I dreamt about him last night," I plucked an auburn curl of my hair away from my eyes and looked at Lightoller almost pleadingly. "it was a horrible dream."

His face darkened. "Might I ask what it was about?"

"Do you really need to?" I sat up without pain which was an improvement, clutching my bedsheet up to my chest to prevent accidental exposure. Lightoller looked down at the floor for a long moment and then turned to me, his eyes full of a mixture of pain and anger.

"Many's the time I've had dreams about it too," he admitted, picking up my left hand and observing my nails. I always had them semi long, maybe about quarter of an inch, buffed and polished with a clear coat. "the infernal ship just won't seem to leave our minds, one way or another."

"Time will help," I was more confident than I felt. "anyway, I should get dressed."

"Meet you in the officer's mess for breakfast." he kissed the back of my hand and I smiled.

"Thank you so much, Charles. You've been a huge help to me."

"Anytime." he left.


	13. Chapter 13

My back healed slowly, I had to ask Brannigan a few times on separate occasions to put salve on my back in the most painful places. He was a good worker and a smart doctor so he could more than adequately take care of our patients. The _Oceanic_ left Sinop a few days later after the turnaround time and headed back to Southampton. Lightoller was the officer of the watch then, looking out over the bow of his favorite ship. "He's still acting a bit punch-drunk," Moody confided to me.

"That's just him, then. He's not sick in any way."

"Weird." Beckett muttered.

"That's just how he is, gentlemen." I smiled and threw down a winning hand at gin rummy. The others complained good naturedly as they parted with a bit of their petty cash as I cleaned up.

David Blair was the first officer of the _Oceanic_ now, one of Lightoller's good friends. I didn't like Blair a lot, as he would look at me with leering eyes and a sarcastic smile on his face. Doubtless he was imagining doing things to me that I wouldn't like, so I always kept away from him as much as I could. He got along all right with the others and I knew that Beckett didn't like him as much as he did. Beckett admired me, that much was very plain to see, and when Lightoller wasn't around, Beckett would be on his guard to protect me. I didn't mind, I never said a word about it. He was a cutie in his own way and I often found him amusing.

During my free time, I would check on patients, mix with the passengers and chat them up. Many liked me and a few of the survivors of the _Titanic_ had come on board, many admitting to a little post traumatic stress disorder from the ship sinking. I counseled them the best I could, not being a psychiatrist, but made them feel better just by talking about it.

"Well hello, young lady," a voice said behind me. "keeping busy are we?"

"Well, this can only be Charles or James to tease me so." I turned around. "Joseph!" Boxhall stared at me, a grin on his face as he hugged me. "What brings you aboard?"

"I was taking a holiday with one of my sisters," he explained. "she chose to go home via a land route, but when I heard you were aboard, I came in to see you."

"And Moody and Lightoller?"

"I didn't know they were on the ship."

"They are." I walked him to the bridge under the cover of nightfall and he said hi to his comrades.

Over supper, we discussed our adventures since the disaster which was 4 months ago by now. It was mid-August and the Mediterranean route was agreeing with me. I had a dark tan now, my hair had become more red when exposed to sunlight, and I had developed some freckles on my arms.

"So not much has gone on. I just came back from a 3 month stint on the _Teutonic_, then my sister asked if I would like to spend a 2 week holiday with her in the Mediterranean. Since she and I split the cost, we both went and had a lot of fun." Boxhall smiled at me. I would always be quite fond of him. I outlined my experiences on board the _Oceanic_ as we ate, then since Boxhall was in passenger capacity, he asked me to dance.

"I thought you'd never ask!" I was wearing a white skirt and blue button up top. The attire on board ship was very informal so nobody minded what I looked like. The band struck up a lively tune and we began to dance. "I didn't know you were so good, Joseph!"

"My sisters taught me!" he caught my right hand and twirled me a few times. "They told me I'd go far in life if I could dance!"

When we were done cutting a rug, Boxhall walked me back to my quarters, discussing politics. I didn't care for that subject and turned it over to animals. He told me more on Lowe and his affinity for animals, I told him of my experiences, and soon we were back at my room. He opened up the door for me and entered when I bade him to. Taking off his hat, he sat down at my desk chair while I sat on the bed.

"Now that we are in private, is everything really all right for you?"

I plucked at a loose seam in my shirt's left wrist nervously. "I miss Will, Joseph."

He sighed, one that seemed to emanate from his very soul. "I miss them all as well. Will was so kind to me that night before the crash."

"How so?"

"Remember when you said that I might come down with pleurisy?" I nodded. "I could feel some infection coming up that night around when I got off the day watch. My throat hurt and I had coughing fits. Will noticed this about 15 minutes before the berg, so he sent me to get something to soothe my throat. I was doing that and when I came back, I felt the berg strike the side of the ship."

"Good old Will..." I let my head hang down, forcing back the tears. "I only knew him for a week and now he's gone."

"Rotten life sometimes, isn't it?" Boxhall asked me with a slight smile. "He was gaga about you. Off duty with me once when you were in bed, he talked to me a little bit about how unlike the other ladies that you were. You had the qualities his ex wife didn't have which made you more attractive to his eyes."

God, this was like rubbing salt on an open wound! I wiped my eyes and looked up at Boxhall. "Mind you, when we were at the inquiry in New York, we had all grown fond of you by then. When you were sick, Lightoller was a bit distressed over you."

"Why would he be distressed over little old me?" I snorted. Lightoller was good company and all that, but I did not fancy him. Blair fancied me and it was disgustingly obvious.

"Don't you know?" Boxhall asked me in surprise. "I thought Charles would have told you by now!"

"What?"

"Will asked Charles to look after you in case he didn't make it. I was right there in the chart room when they had a few private words."

"Did Will think that I was incapable of looking after myself?" indignation rose up within me.

"No, but everyone needed some looking after when we were in New York," Boxhall told me seriously. "What you didn't know then was that Lowe and Moody took most of the turns looking after you and me when we were sick. Lightoller would sit at your side when he could and take care of you. You should have seen his face when he did, Kat. It was the look of tenderness and affection, the likes of which I hadn't seen so pronounced before."

"Yes, so he looks upon me as a friend."

"Will wanted to be sure that you had someone to turn to when times got rough if he wasn't there," Boxhall stated. "has it been working so far?"

"I admit it has." Boxhall already knew about my sunburned back and Lightoller was a help. "I do think that it is time to go on a different ship and keep living my life. If I see Charles, I'll say hi, We can't be together on ships all the time, you know."

Boxhall grinned broadly. "That sounds like you! Which ship are you thinking about now?"

"How about the _Celtic_ with Lowe? Is he there?"

"Yes he is. He's got another 3 months on that ship."

"When we dock, I'll see where they're assigning me and whether I can ask."

"Your assistant comes with you?"

"If he wants to. We're one of the best teams you know." I winked and Boxhall started laughing.

The day came when I was about to disembark the _Oceanic _along with Brannigan. The White Star Line said the passengers had high praise for both of us and it would be a real shame if we were broken up. So, Brannigan happily accepted the new post on board the _Celtic _with me. He admitted that he hadn't been treated so well from other surgeons and doctors that he'd traveled with. I cuffed him on the shoulder and said that in order to pay me back, he'd become a full-fledged surgeon and he'd have the medical degree to prove it. Brannigan flushed happily, took up his suitcase, and went down the gantry ramp into the pier.

I picked up my suitcase and shoulder bag, then felt a hand on my shoulder. Lightoller was looking at me. "Off to the _Suevic_ like me then?"

"Nope. I'm heading off to the _Celtic_ with Brannigan." I tugged at my white uniform jacket and appraised my white pants, making sure that they were in top shape.

"Oh," Lightoller was disappointed but he covered it well. "I'll be back in 3 months. You?"

"The same. I'll be disembarking around the first of December if I remember right."

"Same here. You're always welcome at my home."

I grinned. "Thanks so much, Charles, for everything. I will see you in 3 months." he returned the grin and kissed me on the cheek. I did the same, giggling when he knocked my hat askew. Adjusting it, I turned and scurried down the gantry before they moved it. Leaving behind a ship was sad, but I was mad at the _Titanic_ for prematurely leaving me! I pulled out the piece of paper with the pier number on it and began to walk down the rows of gargantuan ships lined up in their berths. I had the distinct impression that Lightoller watched me with his eyes for as far as he could, but I did not look back. I found the correct pier number and walked on board the _Celtic_, smiling as I saw Lowe happily waving to me from the bridge.

Lowe greeted me happily with a kiss on the cheek and a big bear hug-before I'd even dropped my suitcase off in my quarters! He was egregarious and always let his voice be heard. A lot like Lightoller, but he was quite strict with discipline while Lightoller was a bit lax with.

The cruise was to the African coast and back, which including turnaround time, would take up the 3 months. We had several ports of call ahead, Brannigan was already setting up the surgery or sick bay with what we needed, filling out the requisition forms as needed. Lowe checked the passenger manifest and we were off.

Going down to Africa was easy enough. The passengers didn't ail a thing and we made good time. Once the passengers and some of the crew went ashore and mingled with the locals, several cases of yellow fever and malaria were reported. Brannigan and I did the best we could, though some of the passengers-mostly the children and elderly-, died. I couldn't help but shed a few tears as the bodies were stowed in the hold until we got back to England to bury them properly. The adult csaes recovered easily enough, it was the strong constitutions of many that helped them fight off the diseases.

To my astonishment, I was never taken sick on that voyage, though I had prepared myself for catching all sorts of bugs and internal nasties. Lowe spent too much time on deck one night and had a case of a mild head cold, but that was about it for the officers. Brannigan attended to him while I did a blood smear, and that was about it. He began to rally within about a day and was back on watch in even less time than that.

One late night on the way back after I had finished attending to Lowe, Brannigan rushed up to me and told me that there was a laboring mother on board and she was in the surgery. I dashed over with him in tow, then took a look at what was going on. The babe was stuck fast and due to a narrow pelvis, there was no way that I could help the mother have it naturally. I told the father I had to operate and he didn't like that very much! I summoned one of the stewards to keep the father away, then Brannigan and I got ready. The times were such that the fathers were not allowed in at live births and this one was no different.

"Ever done this before?" I asked Brannigan as we put caps on our heads and masks on our faces. I put on a pair of latex gloves and we donned scrub shirts, going into the impromptu operating theater.

"I have." he spoke with a little hesitation and I knew he was nervous. With Brannigan as the anesthetist, he injected bromide into the mother and gave her a deep dose so that she would be completely asleep. I stripped the clothes off of the big gut, sterilized it, then selected a scalpel. It was my policy to use the smallest incisions possible so that was what I did. I incised the peritoneum, the fascia, the layers of muscle, then exteriorized the uterus.

"Have plenty of towels on hand." I instructed Brannigan and he stood at the ready. Making a deft incision, I opened up the placental membrane and all the fluid gushed out. I pulled gently on the head of the infant, then brought it out into the open. Brannigan checked the baby over thoroughly, cutting off the cord and clamping the stump down so that it did not bleed, the child set up a first rate howl any baby would be proud of. I grinned as I took the placenta out, dumped it in a container, then stitched up the uterine wall. I sutured together the muscle layers, closed the fascia, then placed in three mattress stitches.

"Not bad," I surveyed my work as I bandaged up the mark. "how's the wee one, Basil?"

"Very good!" he called out over the babel of the cries. "Ten fingers and toes, one hell of a voice!"

"Nice!" I cleaned up the area around the mother and left her to sleep off the rest of the bromide. Brannigan wrapped the infant up well and put it in a bassinet near the mother's side.

"A cute little girl." he told me.

"Aw, how sweet!" she was a darling little one, big blue eyes and the start of blonde hair like her mother. Lowe came in then, telling the father that it was all right to see the new arrival. Brannigan and I washed up and Lowe ambushed me.

"So how did it go?"

"Like clockwork," I beamed. "the mother's doing fine and the wee one has a loud wail!"

"Great! You cut it out of her?"

"I had to." we saw the father fussing over the little girl and tears of joy rained down his face and I giggled. "I love that scene." Brannigan was standing by until the mother woke up, so Lowe and I went for a walk.

"You know the press will make much of this when we dock next week," he offered me his arm and I took it. "I never did think that you'd do something like this!"

"I'm full of surprises, Harold."

"I can see!" he pecked me on the cheek and told me jokes for awhile.

The mother turned out fine and she was overjoyed to have her infant daughter with her finally. The father was all puffed up with pride and he couldn't take his eyes away from the new arrival at all. He hogged the infant until the mother had to beg for her back! Brannigan and I laughed about that one for awhile and the rest of the time on board the _Celtic _was very smooth.


	14. Chapter 14

December 1st saw us back like clockwork. We disembarked and after bidding Lowe goodbye for the holidays, I made my way to Lightoller's house and used the key he'd given me to unlock the door and step in.

"Charles?" I called, shutting the door and tossing the key onto my purse. "Are you back yet?" he should have been back the same day as me. Oh well, sometimes unloading a ship was a prolonged affair and I wasn't about to worry about him. His housekeeper had been taking care of the place and he had it looking very nice. I saw the window seat, which I'd taken up much of the time on during the British inquiry. I'd sat there so many times and thought about Murdoch...

Anyway, I was getting tired and it was almost noon. I'd spent the last night on board teaching the new parents how to nurse the child and they hadn't mastered the art until 2 AM that morning. My eyes were threatening to close and I stumbled towards the couch in the living room and sat down, tossing off my uniform jacket. Relaxing back, I sighed happily, closing my eyes and putting my legs up.

Thankfully I did not dream. Time passed me by and I went deeper into sleep.

"Katrina?" coming awake bit by bit, I kept my eyes closed, half in the sleep that had claimed me earlier. Listening, I heard the door open and footsteps. Lightoller had walked in then, looking around and seeing my stuff on and beside the kitchen table, he shut the door with a loud thunk and crossed into the living room. He put his things down and walked over to me. I must have looked a real sight then, still in my uniform white shirt and pants all rumpled, my hair still back in the chignon, my hat draped over the side of the couch arm. He knelt down and I could feel his breath on my face as he appraised my person.

"Back safe and sound, I see," he said in a low voice. Lightoller picked up one of my arms and put it across my chest from where it had been hanging down off the side. "I'm glad." he kissed my forehead and got up.

That was the last thing I remembered for awhile.

When I woke up, I stretched and yawned first off. Lightoller's couch was quite comfortable and when I looked around, he was nowhere to be seen. I was about to get up and look for him when he came into the living room. He looked refreshed, clad in his everyday clothes, and he was hanging up his winter uniform and the summer one. Lightoller turned and saw me, a smile lit up his face as he sat on the armchair that was the closest to my side.

"Finally awake, I see," he teased me fondly.

"How long has it been?" I sat up.

"I got in at noon. What time did you get in?"

"Ten AM." I answered, reaching up and pulling a pin out of my hair so the braid flopped down my back. I liked short hair and always had a small braid. Lightoller flicked a stray curl from my face as I watched him, still tired.

"Then you've been asleep 4 hours. I got in and saw you sleeping on my couch. Have a tough time on the _Celtic_?"

"No. I had to perform surgery, though."

"On who?"

"I had to cut open a lady to remove her baby, that's all. I did it with Brannigan's help and everyone was fine. The newborn had colic and I was up all night last night, helping the mother look after her new daughter." I rubbed my eyes. "Still feels like I didn't sleep at all."

"Get changed and come back in here," Lightoller ordered me. "we should decorate the old place for Christmas. It's coming up, remember?"

"Yes, chief officer!" I laughed and picked up my suitcase.

Attired in a brown skirt and a white blouse rolled up at the sleeves, I came prancing in with no shoes and looked over at Lightoller for his approval. Since my skirts hid the fact I wasn't wearing any shoes, he didn't notice. We both made up a late lunch, then we pulled out a few old and faded Christmas decorations. We passed a companionable few hours together, giggling and joking, swapping stories about the past 3 months. I told him of the time Lowe and I pranked the head steward once, short sheeting his bed and covering his face with lather as he slept. Lightoller told me of some of the jokes he played, including Fort Dennison in Australia.

At suppertime, I went out on a grocery shopping run while Lightoller went and got his things unpacked. We the lucky few had gotten Christmas off that year, as the tourist season was winding down. Cunard was doing the Christmas runs across the Atlantic with their 2 greyhouds, the _Mauretania _and the _Lusitania_. The _Aquitania _had to be retrofitted, as vibration was very prominent in that ship. In the harbor, the ships Lightoller and I were on were docked for the month, Lowe had gone up to Wales to be with his family, and I knew nothing about Boxhall, Moody or Pitman.

"Oh Kat," Lightoller called as I came in. "post for you."

"Goody." I accepted the envelope and sat down on the couch in the living room. "What have we here?"

"Kat?" Lightoller came in, wiping his hands on a dish towel. "All right?"

"Yeah, it's OK. It's just a letter from James."

"Moody? How is he?"

"Good. He's on board the _Olympic _right now and says he finds it a bit overwhelming after _Titanic_."

"I would too." Lightoller agreed. "What do you want for supper?"

"Anything's good. I'm not picky." I waved a hand, dismissing him as I read on. Moody didn't really say much, except he and Pitman were going home to their families for the holidays, he wished me and Charles a happy Christmas, etc, etc. I wrote a response to him at the boarding house address he listed at the bottom, telling him that Lightoller and I were companionable friends in the same house, even if we did get on each other's nerves from time to time. I didn't think he was used to strong-willed women like me. I told Moody of the Cesarean section I had to perform and some of Lowe's pranks on other people.

When I was done, I stamped the envelope, addressed it, then put it in the post box. Lightoller and I had a quiet supper and we lounged in the living room where I caught Lightoller looking at me with that look in his eyes I'd noticed once or twice before. Was he really getting sweet on me? Thinking that I was reminiscing about Murdoch? It was so hard to tell sometimes!

"What are you thinking, Charles?"

He cleared his throat like a child caught in an act of naughtiness. "Nothing much."

He was getting sweet on me! Sooner or later he'd make a move on me and how would I handle it? I had no idea. Shoving that to the back of my mind, I engrossed myself in a book of Dickens while Lightoller picked up an old copy of Norrie's Seamanship Guide and read as well.

Whatever happened would and I decided just to take it one day at a time. It wasn't all about the promise Lightoller had made Murdoch before he died. I supposed it was friendly love which caused Lightoller to tend to my burned back after the swimming that day. But maybe it was something more that had him stay all night with me, making sure that I was comfortable as possible. I know he missed me when I went on the _Celtic_ with Lowe, I had gotten a few letters from him in that time. Which part was the more than friends, the love that one man had for one lady and which was just being friends?

When I went to bed that night, I was wondering these things and then I came to the conclusion that Lightoller had developed feelings for me and so far he'd kept them under wraps. I thought that I would return those feelings and maybe more when he made a move on me one of those days. He was leading and I would follow.

Three weeks later on our holiday pay, I went shopping for Lightoller's Christmas present. It took me forever but I found a few things to give him! Everyone was having a sale and I took my time to peruse all the wares. Remembering that Lightoller didn't carry a knife, I bought him one with a mother-of-pearl handle that clicked open and shut with one flick of the wrist. I found an updated version of Norrie's Seamanship and bought it. He liked assembling model boats and loved to fish, but I thought I'd leave those alone.

I never had the patience to assemble model boats. I'd always get frustrated and swear a lot!

I dropped off the packages in my room, slipped a deposit receipt into my folder, then picked out a ten pound note for the afternoon of shopping. Lightoller was helping out at the White Star Line offices, helping get a new roster planned for some new liners coming up. I departed the house, locking it up tightly, then strolled off down the lane. It had snowed the night before, coating everything with a fine white film of the powdery substance. Putting on my gloves, I adjusted my scarf and went down among the street stalls. The next day, Lightoller was to go and visit with one of his sisters for the day and I would be happy to have the house to myself for that amount of time. I'd been nervous living alone before, right after Daniel. I was always terrified that I'd open up the door and he'd be there, ready to injure me afresh, but that never happened. It wasn't until I let my guard down that it happened!

Well, Daniel and all the nasty memories were gone now, for which I was happy. Wilde had told me that I was much better without someone who abused me and I knew what he was talking about. Wilde had loved and lost and then lost himself, when you think about it. He had been pretty blase in the last moments of the ship, standing there and smoking when all the boats had gone. I'd said goodbye to him of course, then he had perished.

My achievement for that horrid night was saving Moody's life. Without me, he'd have gotten sucked down into the ship and probably incinerated against the still hot boilers. I'd grabbed him, hauled him away from the suction and we'd gotten into a nearby boat. Moody's father had posted me a heartfelt letter, thanking me for saving his son's life. I'd written back, saying that Moody was a great young man and if I had to save one person that night I was glad it was him. Murdoch had pushed me to save myself and so he'd really saved me when you thought about it. It was just like him, saving the ones that he loved.

"All right missy, where's your cash?" a masked burglar accosted me at the far end of the street stalls.

"I don't have any! Piss off!" I'd stowed my cash in a place where nobody would ever think to look for it in case something like this had ever happened to me.

"Bitch!" the guy pulled out a knife and slashed it at my lower ribcage. He knocked me down, giving me a bruise on my left temple, then kicked me in the stomach. I was left wheezing in the corner of the alley as I bled. Getting up took all my efforts and I had to pull my scarf off, wad it up, then press it against my wound. I didn't want to draw attention to myself so I moved towards the part where the crowds were the thinnest and made my way home.

"Charles?" I called as I got home. Please be home! I thought. I wasn't about to stitch myself up!

Blast it, he wasn't home! I went over to the telephone and rang up the White Star Line office, telling him that I needed Lightoller at home and urgently. The receptionist dutifully relayed my request and I knew he was coming. It would take about 10 minutes to get home from the offices but would I be able to hold onto my senses until then? I scribbled a note, telling Lightoller which number to call and what doctor to summon.

"Attacked by a crook in an alley." I also wrote. Pressing down tighter on the scarf, my vision went fuzzy and the world began to spin out of control. It was too much for me to keep up with, my eyes began to close, and I fell to the floor, blacking out completely.

Vaguely aware of movements near me, I became a little aware of the fact that I was being taken into my room. Surely enough, a warm and cushiony mattress received me and I tried to open my eyes but they were very heavy.

"I think she's waking up, sir." Lightoller's voice sounded. Someone seized my hand and squeezed it. I was too weak to reply back to it and I heard another familiar voice.

"Not to worry. She'll be right as rain soon enough. Trouble does seem to follow her." Brannigan. "She'll need to be asleep for the stitches, though." he gave me a shot of anesthetic which carried me off into the dark recesses of my subconscious mind for what seemed like a long time.

When I came out from under, I felt sick and tired. My wound was stitched up soundly, though it throbbed, and I was a bit uncomfortable. Turning to see Lightoller sitting beside my bed perusing a book, I watched him until he noticed me looking.

"Well, awake at last!" he exclaimed nervously. "Your shipmate or colleague was here and he gave you a stitching up."

"I know," I grunted. "I could hear you both for a little while."

"We did notice that you were starting to wake up as Brannigan was about to stitch your wounds closed," Lightoller picked up my hand like he'd been so accustomed to doing over the past months. "I got the fright of my life, getting in here after your call and seeing you lying in your own blood. I found the note, called Brannigan, and he was very nice to me."

"He would. He's a great guy." I made to sit up, but Lightoller stopped me.

"You should know better," he lightly chastised, easing me back down. "you'll go lightheaded and probably faint again."

"Oh, I'll behave," I sighed. "I'm so grateful to you, Charles. I don't like to think of what would become of me if you weren't there."

"I wouldn't want to think about it. Now, go to sleep. You've lost a lot of blood and you need rest."

"Yes master." I mocked playfully, lying back and closing my eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

Two days later I had developed a little fever which concerned Lightoller greatly. He was convinced I had developed a complication and since I thought so too, I asked him to wait until the next day in case it was something else. Temperatures did get elevated somewhat when the body was mending itself. When the next day came, I was in even worse shape, so Brannigan was called in. He examined me and told me that I knew what he had to do.

"He needs to operate, Charles. He's got to remove the stitches and find the contaminant in my wound and take it out."

"I may need assistance. Charles, can you do it? You don't get sick at the sight of blood?"

"No," he squared his shoulders. "I've seen worse than this."

"Right then. Let's get this show on the road." I was put to sleep by the drugs and I knew exactly what they would do. Brannigan would cut the stitches, open up the wound and probe for the errant piece of foreign matter, flush out the wound, check again for contaminants, then close off my injury again with sutures. Lightoller would hand him the instruments necessary and keep an eye on me to alert Brannigan if I was starting to wake up. Sometimes knowing what was coming was a real godsend to me.

_"Well well," I turned around, wearing a white corset dress with no sleeves. It looked like a glittery wedding dress! I wasn't the type to wear such ostentatious fashions. "come here for a spell have you?"_

_Murdoch was there, looking quite dapper in his best black uniform. He smiled at me with a slight sadness in his eyes and wrapped me in a hug. I was taken aback for a moment and he took my arm, leading me to inside a greenhouse. He sat down on a bench and I sat next to him, he took my upper body and put it in his lap, giving me a roguish smile and a deep kiss. The greenhouse was beautiful, with rosebushes, prairie roses, forsythia bushes and carnations of every color._

_"Oh, Will!" I kissed him again, needing to make sure that he was real. "Am I dead?"_

_"No. You're lying on your bed right now with Brannigan operating on you. I saw this is a good time to see you."_

_"Have I done right in my life so far?" he cuddled me to him with the gentle smile never leaving his face._

_"I think that you have. I know Lights isn't wavering in his promise to me."_

_"I found it a little off-putting at first," I admitted. "so I went with Lowe on the Celtic for awhile."_

_"It's all right, you don't need to explain to me anything. I've been with you in spirit ever since I passed."_

_"It's so hard without you, Will." tears formed in my eyes but I forced them back. "I really did think that we'd be together."_

_"We will when you go. Until that time, you know what I want you to do."_

_"Live to the fullest."_

_"And get married, start a family," he urged me. "your descendants would do great things."_

_"How do you know?"_

_"Oh I do," he laughed. "I would consider it wonderful if you married Lightoller or Boxhall and started a family."_

_"I thought I couldn't have kids, Will, on account of my scarlet fever. Or is this infertility thing all in my head?"_

_"Right on you are." he smirked. "Charles is keeping his promise to me. You know that he's got feelings for you now. He will marry you if you return the feelings."_

_"My vision of the love of my life is telling me to marry another!" I rolled my eyes. "We do have a mutual love, Will."_

_"Yes, me. So be sure of your feelings before you act." he leaned over and looked into something I couldn't see. "It's time for me to depart. I will always be with you, Kat."_

_"I do love you, Will."_

_"And I you, now and forever. I'll be in your dreams now and then." Murdoch kissed me deeply. "Don't forget your promise."_

_"I won't." I promised. The scene melted around me._

Lying still on my bed, my breathing was a bit heavy from the drug Brannigan gave me. Unable to move my limbs because of the temporary paralysis of the drug, I was content to lie and listen to what was going on around me. Voices I heard, but I lacked the focus to discern what they were saying at all.

I must have gone back to sleep because when I awakened, I found Lightoller-I guess he was Charles now-, sitting on the edge of my bed, running a cold damp cloth over my forehead. The coolness felt good and I ascertained that Brannigan was gone. I didn't really expect him to stick around!

"Kat, welcome back." Charles looked tired and I felt sorry for him.

"You look exhausted, Charles."

"I am," he admitted. "your operation took longer than expected."

"I am awake now, I want you to get some sleep." I reached up and touched one side of his face. "Don't exhaust yourself on my account."

"Ever the doctor, aren't you?" he gave a chuckle.

"Yes. Sleep here beside me. I won't mind."

"Really?" this was my first step at reciprocating his feelings for me. Every time I looked into his eyes I saw Will as they both had blue eyes, but not anymore. Now I was seeing Charles for the first time really intently. I liked what I saw and knew he'd make a good husband and father. He accepted my invitation, already in his pajamas, and was flat out in under 5 minutes. I followed soon after.

Christmas was wonderful! Charles had given me a necklace and earring set with sapphires set into them. The earrings were teardrop sapphires and the necklace was a gilt golden color with one small pendant sapphire at the very center. I was thrilled with it and put on the set immediately. Charles was quite happy with his gifts as well, teasing me over the knife and remarking that he was about to go and get the new edition of the book.

"Charles, I wanted to give you something else," I sat down next to him on the couch. "close your eyes." he looked a bit apprehensive but did as I asked him to. I reached for him and kissed him full on in the lips. He reacted like I expected, returning the kiss with feeling and breaking it off when we both had to gasp for air! Charles looked at me with pure longing as I ran my hand down one side of his face. "Every time since the ship went down, you've been there. I can't thank you enough and I realized while I was sick that you've been an invaluable source of comfort to me. I also knew that my friendly feelings towards you developed into something more. I was confused for a bit because I will always love Will, but I thought it out and came to the realization that Will wanted me to live and he wouldn't object to me and you."

"I've thought about that myself," he said softly. "Will always advocated for me to marry a lady who would treat me right."

"And to have children with?"

"Yes and that. It doesn't need to happen right away though!" he smirked as I giggled.

"I don't even know if I can to be honest."

"Well, that's off into the future."

Both of us went to Moody's house where we had a Christmas lunch together with him and his girlfriend, then we went and stopped by Lowe's house for a few minutes. Boxhall was there and Pitman was as well, so we shared a comfortable two hours with our friends, getting caught up before we went back home for the traditional Christmas dinner. We had made it in a partnership, since Charles liked his veg a different way and I was an expert at turkey cooking. Growing up with 2 brothers and 2 sisters, I was forever mediating fights between my siblings, and I had been something of a cooking protegee to my mother, much to her delight. Before I went into med school, I was constantly experimenting in the kitchen. As it was just the two of us, we compromised on not a turkey, but a chicken. It didn't take as long and when Charles tried it, he went into what I called a foodgasm! He loved it and I loved what he did with the veg.

Charles and I spent the next few months really getting to know each other on a whole new level. He and I got intimate and did the dirty deed, etc, we took to holding hands out in public, sparking a bit of speculation about us, but we didn't care. When the midwinter holiday season came, both of us got posted to the _Olympic_ and spent the next 4 months going to and from Spain.

Pitman was there and he and I became closer friends. He told me he had married a lady from Somerset and though they were childless, he hoped that children would come down the pipeline eventually. I told him about me and Charles and he said he knew it would happen! I pretended indignance but he joked me out of it. The voyages were uneventful, though Brannigan, a newly qualified surgeon I might add, and I had to treat several people in an outbreak of pertussis or whooping cough.

This time at sea, I did not get sunburned! I went with Charles one night to the _fallas_ burning in Valencia. Apparently once a year the carpenters would gather up their leftover wood and burn it, often making characters that they'd set ablaze. It was fun and yet scary feeling at the same time! The effigies were several hundreds of feet high and the flames licking at them, tearing them down, the contrast of orange and gray smoke against the night sky was unbelieveable! I loved it and took part in a costume contest to look like the national lady of Spain. I didn't win but I had a lot of fun! Another night we went to the bullfights and went away enamored by the fighters who seemed to glamorize the sport. I loved the traditional costumes and the general showiness of it all.

April came again and on the 14th, Charles, Pitman and I stood at the bow of the _Olympic_, though she was moored in Gibraltar at the moment, and thought about the past year quietly. At one point, Charles took one of my hands, Pitman took the other, and we stared out across the pier like we could see the whole disaster unfolding again. Pitman's hand clenched mine and I knew he was reliving the accident, the same as Charles and me. It got to a point where I was overwhelmed with memories and I broke down in tears. Pitman gave me a knowing hug, Charles held me for a long time as Captain Haddock came down and tried to comfort me as well. He was a smart captain, he knew Smith, and he made an effort to get to know everyone under his command. The rapports he'd established with the officers and crew were legendary and he was such an excellent skipper to boot.

That night I could not sleep no matter how hard I tried. Finally, Charles came into my cabin, picked me up, then put me into bed. He stayed with me, talking until I had tired myself out and reluctantly I went to sleep with him watching over me.

When we docked in Southampton at the end of April, I wrote Murdoch's parents and asked what they thought of the erection of a monument to their son. They agreed and in a month's time, a plaque was unveiled at the school in Dalbeattie which he attended. The Murdoch bunch agreed that I dedicate and unveil the plaque of which I did. At the bottom of the plaque there was a note, mentioning that the plaque had been erected by the Murdoch family and Dr. Katrina Van Doren. I was glad to have my name forever linked to my one time love.

Boxhall asked us to attend his wedding, of which we did. I got to know his wife a bit and liked her very much. Lowe was there with his wife and Moody was there with his girlfriend. The ladies were wonderful and I could see that Moody wasn't going to wait much longer to get married! She was already sporting a ring on her hand and the wedding bells would be tolling soon!

The same thought had crossed Charles's mind, for at the end of June, he proposed to me. The ring was a very simple diamond encircled in gold and I was ecstatic with joy as I accepted and put it on.

One day we were at the tennis courts near the house, playing doubles with Lowe and his wife Ellen. She was a joy to work with, girls against boys! Both of us worked hard and managed to win the match! Charles was overheating and excused himself to try to cool down. I brought out refreshments, scolded Lowe when he got rambunctious, and when half an hour passed, I went looking for Charles. Brannigan had turned up by then, ready to substitute for Charles if there was need for it.

"Charles?" he was lying in the tub with cold water running from the tap all around him. I turned off the tap and waved my hand in front of his eyes, snapping my fingers. He looked horrified and I knew exactly what had happened. "He's catatonic. Brannigan, Harold, would you help me for a minute?" when they came up, I told them to take Charles out and put him on the bed. Brannigan confirmed my suspicion of catatonia and said he would revive in an hour or so. Distracting the others from Charles's little turn in the cold water, I kept up the merry hostess bit until he began to show some signs of consciousness.

When everyone had left, I told Charles exactly what happened. "You know the cold water reminded of you of the night the ship went down. Sometimes touch is the most overwhelming sense of all." He agreed with me and shivered.


	16. Chapter 16

We got married August 20, 1913. I asked Lowe to give me away, Charles picked Brannigan as his best man, Pitman and Boxhall attended with their wives, Moody with his girlfriend, and we were married quietly without any fuss. Lowe's wife Ellen was my maid of honor and that was all the ceremony we wanted. Nothing fancy, I wore a simple light blue dress with a corset style bodice with the sapphire earring and necklace set Charles had gotten for me, and Ellen had helped me put my hair up in a French knot interwoven with small fake blue roses. I did not wear a veil, as I considered those to be stupid, and Charles wore his best blue serge suit. We had mutually agreed beforehand not to wear our White Star uniforms as we wanted nothing to remind us of work. Charles was quite low key and I was as well so we agreed. The reception consisted of a quiet supper at a local restaurant in a private room followed by champagne and lots of speeches. Brannigan made a goofy one, wishing Charles and me health, wealth, happiness, and lots of children! I was sure that I was blushing and Charles noticed, laughing! Lowe nudged me in the side as the others egged him on.

Three years of marital bliss followed that. I wasn't in any rush to start a family and nor was Charles. We were on separate ships when the fourth anniversary of the _Titanic_ sinking came around and I had been feeling somewhat ill recently. I had been sick for a month and Brannigan ran some tests on me, coming up to break some news to me with a big grin on his face.

"You're pregnant." oh boy! Some time to be having a child! It was July of 1916 and the political powers had declared war with Germany back in July of 1914. I didn't pay much attention to the newspapers, but I knew we were in the midst of the Gallipoli campaign, the _Mauretania_ and the _Britannic _had been turned into hospital ships, though the _Britannic _could handle the wounded by itself so the _Mauretania _served as a cruiser, I think it was. The _Lusitania_ really provoked outrage in us, as it sank! I was overwhelmed when I heard the news and I'd spent much of the day mourning the ones who had been lost, knowing what it was like to lose someone that you loved. Charles was on a ship at that time and when he came home, he was livid and this sparked his hated of submarines. He didn't think that it was a fair fight and I was inclined to agree with him.

Just walking down the street, propaganda posters were everywhere. I found the posters overwhelming, seeing a picture of a mother and child sinking to the bottom of the ocean, eyes closed, one last bubble of air escaping them as they died. Red lurid words said ENLIST at the left hand side. A good many men did as well. Charles became a lieutenant, I became a medical officer. The _Oceanic_ was going to be outfitted and repurposed as an auxiliary cruiser which would take about a month in the slipway. I was returning from the White Star Line office, having gotten my official call-up to service. I opened up the squeaky screen door and entered the kitchen where Charles was sitting, going over the mail.

"Charles, I have news for you," I said as I put the key down. "hey!"

He'd been writing in a notepad and barely looked up at me. "Sorry, love. What is it?"

"In 7 months, I'm going to have a baby."

His eyes widened and getting up, he almost knocked down a chair. "Really?!"

"Yes, really! Oh, don't bother with that now!" I started to laugh. "my gut isn't big enough for that yet! Don't rush it!" at his encouragement I stood up and looked at him, faking exasperation. We sat down on the couch and Charles put his hand on my still slender gut and began talking, but I'd tuned him out. "It doesn't understand English, Charles."

"Oh I know." he straightened up, smiled, then kissed me. "By the way, I've been told that the improvements to the _Oceanic_ are going well and within a week, I will be on board her again."

"That's good to know."

"Are you going to take leave because of the pregnancy?"

"Oh hell no! Charles, I'm not even 2 months yet. I can still do some good out there."

He eyed me. "What are you getting at?"

"I got my call-up orders today. I'm to serve as a doctor, along with Brannigan, on the _Britannic_. She's sailing tomorrow for Gallipoli and take off another batch of wounded soldiers."

"But what about the baby?" he went to our room with me and we both began to pack our things, often bumping into each other. I took my newly issued uniform and packed it up tightly. Each time I would have to operate there would be scrubs and surgical gowns to wear so I wasn't too concerned about my day to day wear at all. Throwing in a few dresses, I purposely left my corset behind. The dresses were loose so I wouldn't worry about bursting through to the seams when I got bigger.

"What about it?" Charles packed up his uniform neatly and zipped up a suitcase.

"Well, wouldn't you be endangering the health of our child if you go over to a war zone?"

"Charles, the wounded get ferried over to us by the field medics. The purser's crew handles the names, etc. I primarily stay in the exam rooms and be on call in case someone takes an unfortunate turn. We're not allowed to leave the ship when we reach there." I finished my packing and looked at my husband. "I know you're on edge right now, but I can't just stay here and watch myself get bigger. I'll go nuts."

He sniggered. "I suppose you're right. Our housekeeper would have to be committed as well."

"That poor old lady," I grabbed some books and put them in a carpetbag I used to carry my little trinkets and literature. "Mrs. Rooks. We've not exactly gone easy on her have we?"

"The less said on that the better." he chucked me under the chin and laughed.

Mrs. Rooks was a spry 55-year-old lady who was from Dublin originally, talked a great deal, believed in leprechauns and banshees, and was fond of a draught of Guinness beer off and on as a treat. I'd gotten accustomed to the beer as well and though Charles teased me for drinking, he knew I never went overboard. During the holidays, we ran Mrs. Rooks ragged, asking her to find some things that we couldn't attain. She'd done it spectacularly, though she'd cussed us out thoroughly for making her walk around town so many times. We took it in good humor, gave her some Guinness, and she was happy again.

Bright and early the next morning, Charles and I brought our luggage down to the piers as the two ships were berthed next to each other. A smooch goodbye and we boarded our ships.

On the doctor's quarters in the previously titled first class bedrooms, I found myself in a comfortable room, furnished with a bunk, a writing desk, chair, and private bath. Stowing my suitcase under the bed so I could unpack later, I put on my officer's jacket and hat, then went about on the _Britannic_, checking her out and seeing how I could get around the easiest.

The grand staircase had been outfitted as a recovery room, the dining saloons had all been subdivided into operating rooms. I found a surplus of scrubs, ether and oxygen appliances, plus some of the newer anesthetic drugs like bromide. The supplies were well stocked with surgical tape, sutures and the like, so I was quite satisfied.

"Hello, lieutenant," I turned to see the chaplain watching me as I crossed from the OR into the recovery area. "getting familiar with the place?"

"Indeed, Father," I shook his hand. "Surgeon Katrina Lightoller."

"Samuel Fleming."

"A pleasure."

"The same. We will be heading out for Gallipoli in an hour. Captain Bartlett is preparing the ship now to depart."

"Wonderful." we chatted a little longer then went to our stations.

The voyage over to the Gallipoli campaign was swift and trouble free. Brannigan and I often met up and went for a swim in one of the ship's pools, then walked around the ship and chatted the afternoon away.

"So how's your little bun in the oven?" he teased me with a wry glance, looking at my belly for a moment.

"Invisible. At least for now, I mean."

"Told Charles yet?"

"Of course! You think I'm nuts?"

"That's a matter of opinion."

"Oh, shut up!"

Once we arrived and started taking on the wounded, things got very busy. Me and the other surgeons, at least 15 of them, went right to work. The field hospitals had done a good job of patching up the wounded, though there were a great many who'd been just temporarily fixed. I worked on several hemothoraxes, collapsed lungs, gunshot wounds, broken appendages, etc. There were some with health ailments like asthma, ruptured appendixes as well. I had been putting in about 9 or 10 hours a day in the operating rooms and was in need of a break that first day. I had supper, jumped into the pool, then went to my room to read and unwind.

Captain Charlie Bartlett, Iceberg Charlie to his friends, was warm, funny, and a complete professional. He was a little rotund, had a white walrus mustache, and was forever clenching a pipe in his teeth. He smoked like a chimney as was the trend, but I still told him he'd live longer without it. He asked me about Charles and what I thought of the voyage so far.

"Overall, it's much better than the north Atlantic runs, sir," I watched the sunset fondly as Charlie stood next to me. "even in the summertime it's cold up there."

"Very true!" he lit his pipe and exhaled a sulfurous cloud of carbon and nicotine. "I think sometimes of the _Titanic_ and what went on there."

"Be glad you weren't there, sir."

He stared at me, hazel eyes watching me intently for a moment as he absorbed what I'd said. "You were there?"

"Yes sir."

"Aye, my belated condolences, Dr. Lightoller." he touched my arm in a comforting gesture.

"Thank you, sir."

My posting to the hospital ship seemed to be indefinite. Charles wrote and told me that he'd been assigned a destroyer, the _Garry,_ and was now cruising around, looking for fights. He'd told me to be careful and I was. I wrote, telling him that I found I could serve on ships until my 8th month, then I would have to take leave. The White Star Line did not want any officers going into labor at sea!

Upon entering my 5th month of pregnancy, I was still on the _Britannic_ and fixing people up routinely. It was November 20, 1916 and I had wrapped up a long evening checking the patients in the postoperative ward. I was starting to show some, as it looked like half a soccer ball had gotten lodged in my belly. My scrubs didn't show it and the others only saw me in scrubs, so nobody noticed.

I had to do postoperative rounds and I was checking on the soldiers, relying on the nurses to tell me what was wrong with them, if any. I came across a chap who was really just a boy, and sat down beside him. He had frizzy red hair, brown eyes, and had tears streaming down his face. My already developed maternal instinct went into overdrive and I sat down at his side. The poor lad looked like he'd seen a ghost and I wondered if he needed a psychiatric consultation.

"Hello, Mr," I checked his dog tags. "Reese. Are you in pain?"

"Some, ma'am," he admitted. "what happened to me?"

"Well, you had shrapnel wounds. I had to clean them out and stitch them up."

"You did that?"

"I did." I smiled. "You'll be able to go home very soon, once we dock. Do you want a painkiller?"

"Yes, ma'am." he winced and tears ran down his face again. "It hurts somethin' awful!"

"All right, it's all right," I soothed him. "Nurse Grant, will you bring me a 5 cc dose of morphine, please?" the nurses liked me because I was always polite and kind to them. Brannigan was as well, though there were some doctors who were damnably arrogant. Grant brought me the syringe and I gave Private Reese the dose of medicine, told him to ask if he needed more, and watched as he went off to sleep. We were en route to a Mediterranean theater and there were hardly any patients on board.

I went to my room after a long day, then lay down on my bed, hanging up my dress and reaching for a nightgown. Standing up, I stood in front of the mirror and as I shrugged into my cotton garment, and the belly caught my eye. It wasn't hard to do by any means as I constantly thought about it when I was off duty. The nightshirt cascaded down across my back, though I held the front part up so I could see the gut better. The baby hadn't started moving yet, so I was a bit disappointed. Everyone was different and it would move when it decided to. My hands went down the rounded belly and as I slid my hands down, I saw a shadow.

What was that? I sat down on my bed again and looked at my gut. Clearly I saw something create a shadow across the belly and felt something like a flutter. The baby had kicked! Excited, I looked for a few more minutes and was rewarded with a push. Grabbing a sheet of paper and a pen, I wrote to Charles that I had felt the baby moving. He would be thrilled and a little regretful that he wasn't here to experience it for himself. That would come later, though. I wasn't due until about late April or so.

Going to sleep, I fantasized and dreamed about what my family with Charles would be like. We both wanted more than one child and we wanted to have a reasonably sized family. Old Mrs. Rooks would be beside herself and she'd start fussing over me and I would have to put up with it! Well, she knew me pretty damn well by now so she wouldn't be exasperating.

It was early on the next morning when I felt the baby kicking me and I got up. I'd just changed into my everyday clothes and was walking out on deck when I felt a terrific shaking and there was a horrific explosion of the ship. I dashed to the rail and looked out but I could not see anything out there. It was a clear morning and I decided to stay close to the bridge to hear what the captain had to say.

It was only minutes when the chaplain, Brannigan and I were ordered to get into a boat, as the ship had been hit by a German mine. Brannigan moved his patient, a private named Gaylord, and I hustled Reese from the recovery unit up onto the boat deck. Not wanting to alarm him, I calmly told him that we were going for a little ride in the lifeboat to try to get some air and light exercise in which would help his recovery. Brannigan, Fleming and I began to row away from the ship as Bartlett did one last desperate thing and tried to beach the ship. A lifeboat or two got sucked into the props, prompting us to scream out that it wasn't working and he had to stop.

"Lifebelts on," the padre had foreseen the need to throw a great pile of lifebelts into the boat and though Reese was shaken up by the spectacle, he allowed me to fasten one on him. We rowed further away as the ship's bulkheads blew and she went down. "Damn, she was a good ship." I wiped my eyes and we pulled aboard Bartlett after he swam over to us. There was plenty of room and we picked up all the survivors the lifeboat was capable of. We were picked up by a destroyer and a frigate came not too long after. We were taken to an Italian port-I forget what it was- and we started our trip back to England. First off, we walked to the train station, got onto one heading to France, and slept practically the whole time. A White Star liner was ready to go back to England just as we arrived and I saw it was the _Adriatic_. Brannigan and I, saying goodbye to the padre, were given permission to board. None of my friends were serving on board the ship, as they all had their own destroyers to command now.

Once we reached home, Brannigan and I went our separate ways, our two soldier charges went their separate ways as well. Gaylord went out to Somerset and Reese went to Surrey. I was posted on board the _Olympic_, who was a temporary hospital ship now as well. Since Charles couldn't make it back in time for Christmas, I had one with the other wives. Ellen Lowe, Samantha Moody, Prudence Pitman, and Elaine Boxhall celebrated it with me.

"My goodness, nobody told us you were pregnant!" Samantha Moody, a free spirit and a tease like her husband, joked as soon as she saw me that day. Ellen had given birth to one of their children, Florence, and she was a shy toddler of a girl. I could see Harold's eyes and Ellen's fair blonde hair merged perfectly on their child. Prudence did not have any children and she'd wanted some, but her health was always fragile. She and I had corresponded infrequently and I knew about her state of health very well. Still, she wanted to try for children so I told her to wait until peacetime when things were less intense. Sam and Elaine were looking forward to having children as well, Sam being the more vocal on it. Elaine was quiet and soft spoken just like her husband, and you'd have to draw her out of her shell a bit to get her to really talk.

Ellen and I discussed our aches and pains while the others listened. Ellen called it birth control, making the ones who wished for children to listen to the ones who'd had them or were in the process of carrying them! My 6 month belly became the party piece of the Christmastime revelries, Sam, Prudence and Elaine all wanting to watch as my unborn child would somersault up and down, punching, kicking, pushing at me until I got no peace! The _coup de grace _was when it gave some almighty shake and distorted my belly like some kind of underwater monster!

Times were tight and we didn't gift give, but spent the day in revelry, going out to the church and singing carols almost all day long. My throat was raspy when we were done and I knew I'd given myself laryngitis.

Sadly, the next week, I was right. I received several letters from my friends and I wrote Charles, telling him that I had injured my voice and was unable to speak, joking that he should have been there to enjoy the silence! That week I put my feet up and made several walks to the local library, checking out Dickens and some Alexander Dumas books. I was deeply engrossed in the novel _Les Miserables_ for the better part of 3 days until I finally finished it, reading it cover to cover. I often took it into the bath with me, enjoying soaking in the warm water and losing myself in the book. My belly stuck up like a sore thumb now and it was very obvious about my condition. I ran a hand over it one night and smiled at the push in return. It wasn't love at first sight, it was love at first push!

I served on the _Olympic_ until damn near my due date. I was definitely full term and waiting for the child to pop out and stop using my huge uterus as a bouncy castle! Disembarking the ship, I was inserting the key in the lock when I saw Charles coming up the street. He kissed me hello and took in my size, widening his eyes a bit as he saw how big I'd become. He ran his hands over it and teased me, but I took his arm and steered him towards home.

"How long are you here for, Charles?"

"My destroyer had some damage so I'm only here for the weekend. I see I didn't miss anything of importance." We reached home in about ten minutes, I unlocked the door, then Charles put a hand on my belly as we sat down in the living room.

"Yeah! Your little present is right where you left it!" I joked. He giggled at me, felt the unborn bouncing around and asked me how it felt.


	17. Chapter 17

"Not too bad but it's uncomfortable at times. The wee one often sticks his head up like some sort of sea monster and it goes back down again-look!" the child did just that, a big round head poked up so the outline was visible through the uterine and skin layers, then it went back down like a sea serpent. Charles was amazed. He took me into the bedroom, stripped my dress off, and spent a few minutes watching our baby abuse me from the inside.

"I can't believe how big you've gotten." he put a hand on my belly, smiling when he felt a kick.

"You don't mind we're starting a family a little late?" By the standards of society, I should have been up the duff when I was 19.

"Not at all! Better late than never!" he kissed the belly and then my lips, giving me a randy grin.

We spent the weekend practically in bed together! Charles told me that I never left his thoughts, he'd been scared for my life when he heard that the ship I was serving on went down, and was happy to get my letter I had posted about a week after the accident. We laughed and joked around, taking a walk that Sunday and attending church. Late in the afternoon he had to pack up and return and I told him that surely when he would return, there would be two of us for him to greet. We'd agreed on names that I'd written down and I saw him off.

On April 25th, 4 days or so overdue, I was walking to the house, a sack of groceries in my hand, the baby making quite a puppet show inside of me, when I felt my water break. Unlocking the door and going inside, I locked it back up and put away the groceries fast. Mrs. Rooks was out of town, Brannigan was serving on the _Suevic_, every medical person apart from me was working on the front lines. I drew myself up and went into the bedroom, stripping off the good sheets and using an old tattered one. The water breaking meant that birth was imminent but having to do all of it myself, I had to check to make sure I was fully dilated. I checked with my fingers and ascertained that the head had already stretched out the hole as big as it needed to be.

Pushing was always a prolonged business! I just wanted the baby to slide out immediately and be done with it! I bore down and pushed hard, feeling my progress along the way. I felt the head start sliding out of me and with one mighty effort, I pushed the shoulder out and the baby slid out of me and landed gently on the mat I'd prepared for it. Panting, I reached over for the infant, cleared the nose and mouth, then checked to see what sex it was.

A boy! I clamped off the cord and cut it, ignoring the other end stuck against my leg. Little William Henry's eyes were swelled shut from his entrance into the world, his limbs were a bit cyanosed, but that cleared up as he gave one mighty howl!

Cleaning him and swaddling him up, he soon quieted down and went to sleep. I put him on the bed, surrounded him with pillows in case he decided to roll around, and cleaned up the room a bit. I delivered my afterbirth, disposed of it, then settled down on the bed next to my little man.

He had been born on April 25, 1917, at 5:12 p.m. I made a note to get a photograph taken of little Will and send it to Charles.

Over the next 2 days, I had a bit of postpartum bleeding but I took care of it and got to know my own son. To my delight, my belly had shrank down considerably since I had given birth and now I had my lap back! The week before birth I noticed my lap had shrank under expanding baby belly. Even though Will was a bit of a late arrival, he looked like many other healthy babies and I knew I wouldn't have much of a problem with him health wise. He was a hungry little man, those eyes would tear up if I stopped nursing him for any reason, even to switch to the other side.

When Will was a week old, I paid for a photographer to make a portrait of him that I could send to Charles. It only took 3 days but the result was really spectacular. I made the portrait relatively small so Charles could carry it around and that would establish firmly his bragging rights! I smiled to myself as I put Will in his crib that night and sat down at the writing desk to send a letter with the picture.

"Dear Charles,

"As you can see, our son, William Henry has arrived safely. He was about 7 pounds and he's got one loud wail when he gets going!

"Mrs. Rooks was on vacation at the time of the birth and Brannigan was on a ship, so it was up to me to deliver our child by myself. I've delivered enough children to know what to do and what not to do, so please no worries. We're both healthy and I'm very happy that I got my lap back! Now that the child's out of me, I have regained my girlish figure and I'm not vain about it, I'm just reveling in the fact that I'm not huge anymore!

"Will was born on April 25 at 5:12 p,.m. I must confess I had been in a bit of a nervous state that day, thinking that something was coming and not really knowing what. Some mothers had told me of that feeling as well and I never really believed it until now. It's very odd when you think about it.

"When can we expect you home so you can see your son? Surely the navy would give you some leave. Ellen told me that they did when she gave birth to Florence. I'll send a telegram in a few days to the Royal Navy headquarters to see if I can bust you out at least for a week. It would be nice to have you here for a change. Mrs. Rooks is ecstatic over Will, she goes off into transports of joy whenever she sees him. He stops crying when he sees her and there's a questioning look on his face, like he wants to know what is going on. Will's got a bit of colic at the moment but I can soothe that out of him. Our son seems to enjoy the sea shanty songs that I sometimes sing to him and I know that he'll be a sailor himself like us one of these days!

"Here's hoping you can make it home, at least for a little while.

"Lovingly, Kat and Will."

Mrs. Rooks watched Will while I posted the letter. When I came back, I found her telling tales of Irish folklore to my son. I sat down on the bed and let her prattle on as Will stared up at her with the eyes of his father. She giggled and tickled him, going on about the Gytrash and other dark tales. Pulling out my knitting bag, I began on making a hat for my son to wear as he got bigger.

When Will was asleep, Mrs. Rooks put him in the crib in the room across from mine and asked me if we were thinking about more children.

"Eventually," I stretched out as I purled one and knitted two. "why do you ask?"

"I wanted to see if there will be more bundles of joy to look after in the future!" she chirped. "This is the best job for me!"

I laughed. "I know, Mrs. Rooks! As soon as the war's over, I'd like to set up a doctor's office adjacent to this one so I can still practice. I don't want to be far from home, at least not until Will's around 8 or 10. I don't want to miss his childhood."

As a matter of fact, I was looking into acquiring the property next door anyway. Charles had recently wrote of his escapades on the destroyers and though he'd been decorated for his services, he still liked merchant marine work much better. Word had been passed to me that the White Star officials were denying the _Titanic'_s surviving officers the right to get their own commands. Prudence had passed the word onto me as Pitman told her, and we were rightfully angry. Sam and Elaine along with Ellen had been informed as well and we wanted to do something to help our husbands get what they wanted.

3 weeks later, I was nursing Will in the nursery when Mrs. Rooks came to the doorway with a big smile on her face. Before I could ask, she stepped aside and Charles came into the room, beaming. I almost dropped my son, I was so surprised! He came over to me and gave me a smooch, then looked down at Will.

He seemed to be entranced by the sight and when Will was done, I unlatched him and handed him to his father with a grin of my own. Charles was unsure of how to handle him, but I told him it would come naturally. Always supporting the head, he lifted Will up and draped him over one shoulder, rubbing his back with concentric circles. I draped a towel over Charles's shoulder as a precautionary measure, and both of us were rewarded when we heard a loud belch.

"Did that come from you?!" Charles exclaimed, laughing. "You sound just like your mother!"

Will started giggling like he understood what his father said. We spent the evening together after Mrs. Rooks had left and I mentioned to Charles how I wanted to open a practice. He readily agreed to it, knowing that I wanted to keep busy and continue earning. He entertained me with stories about his crew at sea, told me of his dislike of everything military, then finished up with a comment about getting a command in the merchant marine. I didn't say anything then, but I knew I'd have to work with the other wives to do something.

Charles spent two weeks at home, bonding with his son. I loved the sight of the two of them sitting together on the couch. Charles would be reading the newspaper and Will would be cuddled up in one arm, sound asleep. Other times I would be nursing and Charles would just watch. We made quite the family of 3 and we received many cards of congratulations from friends on the White Star Line.

All too soon, Charles had to go back to his destroyer and I was left with Will. Fortunately, with the money I'd saved from Murdoch's estate, I was able to buy and retrofit the property next door into a small doctor's office. It had a connecting door from our house to the office, two exam rooms, a public loo, and a waiting room. Sam Moody was hired on as my secretary, Mrs. Rooks was Will's nanny now, and I sent out advertisements about my new business.

Finally, in mid November, my clinic was open for business! Sam ambushed me on the day we opened up and asked me to take a look at her.

"James was in town a few months ago and I've been feeling ill ever since."

"Well, hop on up," she got onto the exam table and exposed her belly for me to see. She was a pretty girl, curly black hair and brown eyes. I gave her the good old pelvic exam and smiled when I felt a little firmness where there shouldn't be any. "you can tell James that you're having his child."

She shot up so fast she almost knocked me down! "I'm pregnant?!"

"Oh yes. I think James will be thrilled." I picked up Will and Sam cooed at him. "You'll be having his baby sometime around August."

"I can't wait!" Sam kissed Will, thanked me, then went to her workstation.

One day, November 11th to be precise, we had just closed up my clinic for the evening when Mrs. Rooks turned on the radio. Little Will was 6 months old now, he could hold up his head, skitter about when crawling, and he could stand up.

"Kat! The Armistice was signed! The war's over!" Sam was such a loud person! Will picked up on that and he was starting to get loud himself! He looked at her with his blue eyes and straight brown hair, laughed and clapped his hands together, happy because she was happy. I sat down on the couch, shaking my head but giving my son as smile as he toddled over to the couch and said, "Up!" I heaved him onto my lap while Sam helped Mrs. Rooks serve dinner.

"Are you staying for supper, Sam?"

"Yes but I'm going to telegraph James and tell him the great news!" she fled out the door, making me giggle at her enthusiasm. Will looked after her in surprise, then turned his sights on me. Those bandy legs of his propped him up and he clung to the corner of the couch for a moment. Advancing on me, he pulled my shirt up and blew his lips against my belly! I jumped and laughed, making Will laugh as well. I'd been doing that to him since he was born and he loved it. The last few days he'd been sneaking up on me and doing it to my stomach whenever he could. He definitely had Charles's sense of humor.

"Are you telling me you want a brother or sister?" it had been on my mind but it was far too early for me to consider getting pregnant again. At least a year had to go by.

Will's round baby face looked up at me and Charles's eyes stared at me from our son's visage. "Yes!"

"Not now." I kissed his forehead, picked him up and sat him down in the high chair. "You are able to eat real food now! All those teeth are starting to come in and it was time you were off my boobs!" I served myself and put some what I had onto Will's plate. He gave me a slobbery grin and tried the potatoes first. He did think they were a little bland, but when I seasoned it up properly, he ate it.

"Oh young Mr. Will!" Mrs. Rooks teased. "You're supposed to eat it not wear it!"

Sam came in, still bubbling about her pregnancy. She sat down near Will and played with him, telling him she hoped her future son or daughter had his sense of humor. The radio announced there was to be a parade in Hyde park to celebrate the Armistice and all the navy and army men would be in it.

"So I hope Charles gets home soon."


	18. Chapter 18

Dressing for the parade, I was to be in it as well! I put on my black uniform as Charles donned his. It was cold outside given it was November and we were required to wear the blue dress uniforms. My uniform had survived the _Titanic _disaster and my white one had survived the _Britannic_ disaster. If I went down on the _Olympic_, I was going to swear off going to sea for good! It was unfortunate for Charles that his favorite ship had run aground and was mercilessly beaten to shreds by riptides. The _Oceanic_ was his favorite and he'd felt an attachment to it. When he came home, he brought the ship's clock from the chart room as a memento. I set it on the fireplace mantle and made sure it worked.

"Sam Moody was quite thrilled when she discovered she'd conceived a child on Armistice Day," I giggled as Charles put on my necklace for me, it was a small silver chain with a pewter engraving of the White Star Line flag. "so what are you going to do in peacetime?"

"Back to the old WSL," Charles necked me as I tried to put on my gold hoop earrings. "I want a command and so do the others."

"That would be great." all unhappy thoughts were banished from my mind as I pulled on my gloves and picked up Will. He was getting heavy! Mrs. Rooks was on standby, she'd be taking care of Will while we marched in the parade.

"Mommy pretty," Will kissed me on the cheek. "Daddy hansome!"

"Why thank you, son." Charles took Will from me and held him up as we left the house, locking the door. We all walked together to the parade starting point, then Mrs. Rooks took Will down to get a good spot where they could see us.

I checked my hair, which I'd wound into a chignon at the nape of my neck, then stood beside Charles as we waited for our signal. When it came, we went marching on! I was so thrilled but being a professional, I kept myself controlled. I knew Charles was thrilled as well, but we kept it together and made the parade circuit with dignity. We were introduced by the ringleader and allowed to wave at the crowd for a brief moment.

"Commander Charles Herbert Lightoller!" he beamed and waved.

"Lieutenant and doctor Katrina Lightoller!" Van Doren I wasn't, as I'd dumped the Dutch name almost five years ago. I waved with a grin on my face.

Exhilarated from the parade, we dined out that night and when we went to bed that night, I was positive I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

The first Christmas in peacetime was a wonderful occasion. We invited the Moodys, Pitmans, Lowes, and Boxhalls over for a big feast and get together. Ellen brought Florence, everyone else brought themselves. We did not exchange gifts as was our custom, but we had a lot of fun together. Sam was experiencing a bit of cramping and mid morning nausea, but I gave her some medicine that would help with both of those things.

"Well, my little Will," Prudence picked up my son. "you were inside your mother the last Christmas we were all here. You made quite a show for us, rolling around and getting attention." fortunately Will did not understand this. He went back to playing with Florence who had brought a set of colored wooden blocks to share.

When the two kids had gone down for naps in Will's room, Harold asked us if we were thinking about any more children to add to the family.

"Yes, but we wanted to wait awhile. At least until Will's first birthday." Charles told him.

As time went on, it became hard to focus on our family goals. Charles grew very dissatisfied with the White Star Line and resigned, saying he wasn't happy being in a place where there was no chance for advancement. Because he was no longer working and it was hard to find a job for a merchant seaman, I closed down the clinic for a year, splitting my time on the _Teutonic _with Boxhall and Moody, then the _Olympic_ with Pitman and Lowe. Both were 6 month voyages and I served my time as a doctor very well.

Charles was the man of the house and he wrote me twice monthly letters, often wryly observing how the tables had turned. I smiled when I read how well Will was getting along, I was able to be with him on his first birthday, which was a relief to me. In gruesome detail, I described to Charles every second of Will's birth and how hard it had been until he made me stop. Men still weren't allowed to be at the births, something which continued on until the forties, I think.

Finally I got off the ship and headed back home in time for Will's second birthday, the last voyage having been held up by coal strikers. Will was going into the terrible twos as most people called it, but he still had a sweet demeanor and was very laid back. Charles wasn't laid back at all and I certainly wasn't either, so nobody knew where he got it from. He greeted me at the door by hugging my leg and saying my name over and over. Charles hugged and kissed me, taking my uniform hat off and hanging it up next to his.

When Will's bedtime rolled around, I put him down along with Charles's help. Charles put me in the bedroom and began taking all my clothes off. I had to help him a few times and stripped him down as well. Like always, this transpired behind closed doors and I won't divulge anything else of what happened then!

When we were done, Charles was still catching his breath and he snaked a hand down to touch me on my belly. It was obvious what he was thinking and I quite casually asked him.

"Do you want another baby?"

"Yes. I told you I want a 3 child family or maybe more."

"Then let's do it." he didn't need any encouragement!

Opening back up my clinic I found my clientele had missed me badly. Sam was back at work and James was taking care of their year old son Wesley. I had been running the clinic for about 5 months since I came back but no sign of pregnancy. It was early September before I started to feel the morning sickness coming back on. I went into the exam room and lifted up my shirt, manipulating my uterus and feeling something solid where there should have been elasticity. I was pregnant again!

I decided to save the news for Christmas and held off on announcing it until then. The first 3 months I could handle, it was the second trimester I started having some difficulty hiding it for my Christmas surprise. When December rolled around, I got out of bed about a week before Christmas and since Charles had taken Will to the park with Wesley, I was free to take a look at my belly to see if it was any bigger.

Unfolding the nightshirt away, I was reminded of when I did this on the _Britannic_. I saw a swelling that was a little bigger than I remembered having at that stage. It didn't really jut out yet but if I went to bed naked, Charles would know and that would spoil the surprise of it. I dressed in my usual calico workdress but that just made the bump stick out. All my other dresses would make it stick out just the same so I tied an apron on and that made it a little better.

Fortunately, I got to Christmas day without anyone noticing my new shape. Before the guests came, I ambushed Charles in the bedroom.

"Charles?"

"Yes?" he'd been doing some property speculation which worked for awhile, now he'd started raising chickens. I didn't like the stinky buggers and he was always reeking of barnyard when he came in. Charles tied on his shoes and stood up.

"Give me your hand."

"Why?"

"Just do it." I put it on my belly though there was no movement at all, but his face lit up as he understood what I was doing.

"You're?"

"You betcha." I parted the shirtwaist I was wearing to show him a rounded bump. He deep kissed me and would have fucked me there and then if the guests weren't arriving!

Ellen and Harold showed up first with Florence. Ellen had a protruding belly like I would have in a couple of months, evidence she was in her 7th month. Sam Moody was also having their second child, as she was about 6 months gone, having entered the third trimester. I was in my 4th month about 2 months behind her and when I turned, I saw Prudence Pitman also sporting a smoothly rounded belly. She was in her 6th month and Elaine Boxhall came in with a full term belly! I was starting to feel a little punch drunk!

Standing all in a line, Elaine was 9 months, Ellen was 7, Sam was 6, Prudence was also 6, and I was 4. How very odd!

"You don't belong up there!" Joseph teased me. "You don't look pregnant!" in response, I flipped up my shirt. The rounded bump stood out a bit, mocking Joseph to his face. In front of everyone, the baby turned and kicked, making a show. My baby already had comedic timing!

Will and Florence paid no attention to the belly show but shared their toys and played nicely with each other. We all had Christmas dinner and gossiped for awhile and as the guests were about to leave, Elaine went gray in the face.

"What is it, honey?"

"I'm going into labor!" steering her over into the clinic, I unlocked it and put her on a cot. Draping a sheet over her as she stripped down naked, I adjusted the sheet and checked the dilation rate. She was already dilated enough and I told her this, looking at her as I stood up.

"Have you been in labor all day and not told anyone?" she looked ashamed but I sat down on a stool and began to coach her through the pushing process. Elaine came through it all wonderfully well and soon had an infant bawling heartily in my hands. I cleaned off the little girl, clamped and cut the cord, then returned her to the mother. A few minutes later the afterbirth came out and I disposed of it properly. Elaine needed tutoring on nursing which I helped with, feeling my own boobs getting somewhat sore. I told Joseph he had a little girl and he went off to see them immediately. They both named her Alexandria Grace, after the city in Egypt they had visited once.

"Will you deliver my baby?" Ellen and the others asked. I agreed but asked who would deliver my own, emitting giggles all around.

That night in bed, Charles pulled me close to him and began rubbing my gravid belly, causing the unborn to kick mightily. "It was sleeping and you woke it up." I admonished him. He still fondled the belly but more gently this time. "Well Charles, we know you don't shoot blanks now, do you?" he laughed and swatted at me. "Enjoy this time before I get bigger."

"I fully intend to." he winked.

When I was 5 months gone my belly was a bit bigger and I knew Ellen was a month away from her due date. I hadn't heard from her lately and as far as I knew, all was well. Charles, Will and I went for lunch at a small cafe overlooking a local beach. There was ice over most of it and though the restaurant was mostly vacant, we still enjoyed ourselves. Charles and I believed in teaching Will his public manners soon after turning two when he was old enough to understand most basic commands. It was a bit like dog training in a way but he listened to us like most dogs didn't listen to their owners!

It was the first of February and we went for a walk on the boardwalk, it being surprisingly warm outside. Will played along and we watched him carefully to make sure he didn't go out on the ice.

"Charles, what's that?" I shaded my eyes and pointed to a bit of white I could see near the shore.

"I'll be! It's what looks like an abandoned yacht." he exclaimed, going closer to it. "It is! What do you say we do a little repurposing?"

"In what way?" I eyed the craft warily as Will joined his daddy.

"We take it and refurbish it, use it for our own purposes." he stated, peering down into the narrow staircase. "She'll need a diesel engine though."

"If you're sure we can financially do it, then yes. I do love boats you know." I teased. Charles was doing very well at chicken farming and my practice was thriving. I wasn't on active duty anymore for the White Star Line but I was a backup in case a ship's doctor had an emergency of any kind. Brannigan was doing very well on the _Homeric,_ a former German ship that was given to the WSL as "payment" for the loss of the _Britannic_. I didn't get called in very often and since I wasn't drawing a salary anymore, they were happy to keep me on reserve as they called it.

"Sure we can do it," he grinned at me. "my love for the sea can't die, just like my love for you and Will."

"Ahem!" I put my hand on the bump.

"And number 2!" he amended. "She looks sound enough, let's see if we can get her over to the public docks." we climbed aboard and Will was everywhere with excitement. I made him sit down beside me as Charles fired up the old yacht and expertly maneuvered her to the public docks about half a mile from our house. "She seems quick enough on the helm here and the steering's agile enough."

"Is that your professional opinion, Commander?" I teased as we pulled up and Charles moored the yacht.

He gave me a hand over the side of the yacht to the pier decking. "Very much so. Let's get her registered to us and see about outfitting her with a diesel engine."

"You do that. Will needs a nap." I took him home and put him down for a short nap as Sam worked on her typewriter in the office. It was a Saturday and Mrs. Rooks wasn't in on the weekends. Sam worked half days on Saturdays to get billing ready for Monday. I checked on the chart notes while Will snoozed in his little bed in my office corner. He had a few books and toys to play with and he knew not to leave my office unless I told him he could.

Sam, about 7 months pregnant herself, chewed bubble gum while she typed up all the invoices. Now and then she would stop and put a hand on her belly and I'd know that her baby had just kicked or pushed her.

"How's it going, Sam?"

"Not bad," she popped her gum and looked at me for a moment as she addressed the envelopes. "the baby doesn't let me sleep most nights!"

"I'll be going for that again," I rubbed my protruding belly and giggled as it pushed. Sam turned to me and her baby made her whole belly distort into weird shapes as she sat there. "looks kinda violent."

"Yeah, I know!" she giggled ruefully and rubbed her belly, poking at it where she saw the baby kick her."I hope I don't get this much grief from him when he's born!"

"Same here! My uterus is the playpen but it doesn't have to be so hard on me!" a nudge came from the left side of my gut as I stood there. Even though I wasn't in the third trimester yet, my belly was relatively small looking, yet capable of so much with a baby inside me!

We chattered away for a few minutes, both pausing when our babies pushed and kicked us, then we both looked up to see Ellen standing at the front door looking panicked. Harold was right beside her with Florence.

"Is it time, Ell?" I admitted them hurriedly. Harold sat down with Florence in his lap, though he looked distressed.

"I think so!" she went into the exam room and I had her strip down and cover herself up with a sheet.

"Harold, you can take Florence into the house if you want. Will's taking a nap in my office right now. Sam, will you let him into the house when he wakes up?"

"Will do!" Harold nodded his thanks and took Florence into the house as I shut myself in the room with Ellen.

She was dilated in just under an hour and I coaxed her to push when she felt like it. It seemed to take awhile, but before we knew it, a squalling infant had been born. I cleaned up the child and clamped off the cord, cutting it off. It was a boy! Ellen wanted to sleep like a rock so I let her as I swaddled the boy and put him in a bassinet near her. He went to sleep as well and it seemed to me that nothing would disturb them.

Will had just woken up so I picked him up and brought him into the house. He spotted Florence with the storybooks and went right to her. Harold stood up when he saw me, anxiously awaiting word.

"They're all right," I mopped my sweaty brow. "you have a charming little man, Harold."

"That's great!"

"They're both sleeping but you can take a quick look." he left.

"I love you."

"Love you too, honey." he spooned me and we both closed our eyes, ready for sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

I sat on the couch with a sigh and Will clambered up to me and Florence did as well. She was a cute little thing with her father's eyes and her mother had braided her dirty blonde hair that day. After I read them a story and gave them each a drink, I put Will to bed in his room as it was after 9. Florence cuddled up with me and put her hand on my belly, feeling the baby kick her hand.

"Having a baby like Mommy?"

"That's right."

"Must be really neat then, feeling it move." my belly jumped up and down and I got a whack in the ribcage.

"Ow! Sometimes." I smiled.

"Did that hurt?"

"A little bit." I admitted. "Did you want to go to sleep like Will?"

"Can I see my brother?" she was such a well mannered little girl! I picked her up and she kept her legs clear of my baby bump and I took her into the clinic. Sam had gone for the day and I heard Harold talking to his newborn son. Ellen was sound asleep and I knew even a bad thunderstorm wouldn't wake her up. Putting Florence down, I touched Harold on the shoulder. Florence stood up on tiptoes and looked down at her new brother. She leaned down and kissed his chubby cheek, making Harold smile and my heart just melted.

"What are you naming him?" I asked in a whisper.

"Michael John Lowe." he told me in the same tone of voice.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, darlin'?"

"When can I hold Mike?"

"Not now, baby. We should wait for them to be awake first, all right?"

"OK, Daddy." he picked her up and kissed her. "Can I go to bed now?"

"We can go home and go to bed, though.." he looked uncertain so I took up the slack.

"There's a spare bed in Will's room if you want it, Florence. Harold, there's a cot set up over there if you want it. I know you won't want to be too far away from your wife and son." he looked at me gratefully. Harold took up position on the cot, watching his infant son sleep as I put another blanket over Ellen and then Harold's eyes switched to me. He studied the big bump lodged above my hips and told me to go easy.

"I always do." Charles had come home then and I filled him in on what had gone on.

"How wonderful for him." he and I stripped down and went to bed. "How long do you think you have now before our baby appears?"

"Another 4 months, Charles. I'm just about 6 months now." my belly seemed to stretch itself out and I giggled as I felt a nudge. Charles put his hand on it and kissed me deeply.

February came and I was officially 6 months pregnant. We arranged a playdate for Will and Charles treated me to a romantic evening out. Charles gave me a rose, we went out to supper, then when we came back in, he and I started making out and we never even made it to the bedroom! He took off my dress like it was burning me, I undid his shirt and when he finally undid my shirt, the belly poked up at him like a white whale. He giggled and stroked it while I leaned up against the couch, both of us on the floor, and we screwed around! It wasn't often that we had moments to ourselves so we didn't waste a minute.

Charles paused as I waited for him, hot and wet for him. "This won't hurt the baby, will it?"

"No, it won't." he took me at my word and we continued.

One month later and I was 7 months gone. Prudence Pitman came to me, she had her baby and though the mother was fine, I did not feel comfortable with discharging the infant to go home just yet. Herbert looked alarmed but I explained that sometimes firstborns had lung problems and it was nothing to worry about. I didn't have the staff or equipment to take care of the little girl in my clinic, so I brought the little girl into the London General hospital where they would be able to look after her. It surprised me that the little girl, Eleanor, had problems breathing, but not by much. Prudence's health had been fragile though when she became pregnant, she improved greatly.

Will's 3rd birthday went off without a hitch. Wesley and Florence came, along with the infant Michael and Sam's unborn child. Eleanor was still hospitalized by then, but Herbert told me that they would be able to take their newborn daughter home very soon.

"That's great!" Sam plopped down next to me, about full term now, and asked me if I could induce her labor.

"That's not a good idea. Your baby will be born when it wants to be." I admonished her. We were almost identical in size now, Sam's being the more protruded while mine was still a little ways off from the baby assuming head down position. "You look like you're ready to give birth any day. It won't be long."

"How much longer do you have to go?"

"Another 2 months." we watched Will and Wesley giggle together over some books and Florence shook her head at them like they were naughty children. Harold laughed, picking up his daughter and kissing her forehead. She relaxed in her daddy's arms and looked over at the boys again.

Ellen came out of the back room as Charles took Herbert and James around to the back of the house where his chicken farming took place. Holding little Michael in her arms, she smiled fondly at Florence in her daddy's embrace.

"Ow!" Sam complained. "You know this back of mine keeps acting up now that I'm carrying such a heavy load!"

"Back pain? Let me take a look." I took her through to the clinic exam room where she got up on the table and I shut the door. My unborn one didn't like all the sudden movement and kicked me, letting me know. I put a hand to my gut for a moment then got down to business.

"You check out fine. Your water is intact and I see no sign of labor. I want you to stay off your feet as much as possible. Sometimes stress will bring on a backache or two." was it just me or was she looking even bigger for someone who was only supposed to be carrying one? "Wait a second." I palpated the belly, then opened up the door to the farmyard, asking Charles to send James in for a moment. He came in, looking a bit worried as Sam sat down on a chair, flipping her dress over her big gut.

"What is it? Is the baby all right?" he asked worriedly.

"It's not bad news," I grinned. "you two are having twins!"

"You don't say!" James embraced Sam and they kissed.

"Yes. Labor should be right around the corner. Anytime at all." they left the exam room beaming.

Soon after our guests left, I told Charles about Sam as he undid his tie and hung it up. The baby pushed me hard, eliciting a grunt of pain from me and Charles looked up worriedly. "All right?" I sat down next to him and unbuttoned my shirt, allowing the bulge to jut up freely.

"Yes. Sometimes it gets a bit violent in there." we both saw the baby's back if I propped myself up on my elbows and tried to do a sit up. Giggling, we watched the bulge as I relaxed and the baby raised up its head and it went down again. "Will did the same thing."

"I did what, Mom?" he peeked around the corner. We hadn't told him yet and he'd never seem to notice the fact that my belly was sticking out much more than it used to.

"You're supposed to be in bed, young man," Charles lightly scolded. "back to bed, go on."

"I'll take him." I lifted him up, mindful of his legs on my protruding belly, and tucked him into his bed.

"Mama, why are you getting so fat?" he put a small hand on my belly. I didn't have a lap anymore which was something that I really wanted back! I missed drawing Will up onto my lap while I taught him to comb his hair or doing other things with him. I could tell that he missed it too.

"Will, you're getting a new brother or sister in about 2 months."

"Really?" he sat up. "Why not now?"

I had to giggle though he didn't see the humor in it. "Because it needs time to grow, son."

"Where is it?"

"It's inside me."

"Wow!" just on cue, the baby kicked his little hand and he jumped.

"That's your brother or sister. It is still growing inside of me, getting ready for the day when it comes out and gets to meet you."

"I can't wait!"

"It will come soon enough. Goodnight, son."

"Goodnight, Mama."

Charles was fast asleep when I came back to the bedroom but I wasn't sleepy just yet. The moon had risen and I went into the front room to look at it for a little while, wondering when exactly the baby would come. I was wearing a loose cotton nightgown and even with the big belly sticking out, it still reached the floor. I sat down on the couch and saw everything in the moonlight, which was eerie. Funny to think how my life had changed so much. I never thought I'd be serving on board several ships, never mind having one sink out from under me. I never thought I'd fall for William Murdoch, but I did. He'd bound Charles in a promise to look after me in the last moments of his life on board that horrid ship, and Charles had been doing it ever since. We both were deeply in love with each other and we had Will. I remembered when I was pregnant with Will, how during the end, I'd wished for labor and eventually gotten it. Nobody was around to tend to me while I was having the baby and I knew it would be different this time. It was peacetime, for one thing.

Ow! The baby just nailed me in the ribcage again! I felt a hard kick and could swear that my ribs were vibrating from the blow. Hitching up my skirt, I exposed the occupied belly and watched as the baby dragged an arm across my overstretched skin. As I looked, the baby turned right over and lashed out with a foot that I could almost plainly see.

The shape of the head rose up and went back down as I felt the baby swimming around inside of me. I ran my hands over it, thinking that since Charles had gotten the yacht in great shape and outfitted it with amenities, the baby would more likely be born at sea than instead of home. The yacht had a name already, _Sundowner,_ and we were going to take a little cruise the next week.

Going back to bed, I lay down and drew the covers up over the bulge. I could still see it moving and hoped it would stop by the time I was drowsy enough to sleep!

During the month of May, we took many pleasure cruises on _Sundowner_. The diesel engine had made it much faster and the Lowe family joined us on a week long adventure exploring the French coast. During out absence, Sam Moody had given birth to her twins, a boy and girl she named Sally and John. All of us had been pregnant on Christmas, Elaine had gone into labor first, then it was Ellen, then Prudence, and then Sam, and that left just me.

"So when are you going to have your baby?" Ellen asked as we disembarked. I was full term now and I didn't see anything standing in the way of my giving birth.

"Anytime now, Ellen." my bump had risen up to my stomach level and ballooned out several times bigger than my stomach. The highest part was about almost 10 inches big! The baby had turned upside down for the birth just the previous day and I knew it wouldn't be long. My belly stuck out like a sore thumb now and I was waddling the best I could under the circumstances. My lap was long gone now and I always felt tired. If I lay down, I could not see anything else in front of me at all but a rising mountain of belly! It seemed to get more violent as the days went on as well, so I knew it wanted out like I did!

It was the first week of June when I was about 2 weeks overdue when I sensed that something was going to happen. I sent Mrs. Rooks and Will out for a long walk and told Charles I would be giving birth that day. Brannigan was out starting his own family and I had schooled Charles on what to do when I went into labor.

Will had been funny, though. About 15 minutes before I felt my water break, I was relaxing on the couch and Will had come up to me.

"Mama, was I like that when I was inside you?"

"Yes you were." we both watched what looked like the baby stretching.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, son. You never did." I kissed the top of his forehead and sent him out with Mrs. Rooks.

Presently, I prepared the clinic room for the imminent birth and Charles knew just what to do. He was a great comfort to me, cooling me down and helping me through it all when I began to push. It was hard work and I sweated through it, feeling the baby's passage through my birth canal with every moment. It was hard to believe that Charles had been responsible for all of this! His microscopic swim team had gone up inside me, found a ripe egg, and then fertilized it. Tiny when it went in, huge when it came out!

"Oh, god!" I bore down hard and was rewarded when I felt the shoulder slip out followed by the rest of the baby. My belly started going down like a burst balloon as the wee one gave a cry and Charles washed it off, a grin never leaving his face. "Is it a girl or boy?"

"Girl!" he triumphantly cut the cord and handed the girl to me. She didn't even cry but her limbs were becoming red with every breath she took. She looked bored and insulted at the same time! I started giggling.

"Well, she was born on June 10, 1921 at 4:05 p.m." Charles made a note of it and cozied up with us.


	20. Chapter 20

I pushed out the afterbirth which was disposed of, and the 3 of us bonded until Will came home. He took one look at his new little sister, Angelique Rose, and gave her a big kiss. My son the comedian! Angie didn't cry, just stared at him. Charles took his two children out of the room, telling them that their mother needed sleep.

My family, for the time being, was complete. I spent the next 6 months nursing my newborn, playing with Will when I needed a baby break, and walking with Charles. We went on a yacht outing when Angie was 10 months old, when I felt like she could handle it, and had a great time over in France for a fortnight.

Will started school when he was 5, Charles and I taught Angie various things when she turned 2, like always. Angie had red hair like my mother's, deep brown eyes like mine, and she was a hyperactive little girl. We gently curbed this as much as we dared and when she started school at 5 years, like Will, her teachers told us she was always the one to answer questions her teachers asked.

It was 1926, or the fall of 1926, when I was treating patients in the clinic and Brannigan walked in, along with Charles. I'd been a little morose lately, missing Murdoch, but Charles had gone out and found Brannigan, bringing him back to make me smile. He'd gotten older, some gray hairs mixed in and there were a few lines on his face that hadn't been there before. We giggled and gossiped for a long time in the front room. It only ended when I felt a bad pain in my right side.

"I need to operate! Hospital for you!" Brannigan nearly threw me into his car while Charles made arrangements for Will to stay with Wesley, and Angie to stay with Eleanor for the time being. He explained briefly what was going on to James and Herbert, then rang off and followed us.

My body was stripped of clothes, I was given an insulting hospital johnny to wear, though I didn't mind it at all. I was intubated and sedated, and that was all I could recall.

Waking up was no easy feat in itself. I fought off nausea, had trouble breathing, and remembered that my limbs were weighted down with what seemed like lead. Hands fussed over me, restrained me, helped me, and that was it.

Finally, I woke up and found that I was in a dull throbbing pain, which was tolerable. My eyes opened up and I saw Charles sitting by me, his hand in mine, his eyes were a little glassy. I squeezed his hand and he looked up at me.

"Thank god you're awake!" he hugged me gently. Hmm, my lower right side hurt and I was in the hospital. "Appendicitis?"

"You've hit it like you usually do." he admitted, giving me a kiss. "How are you feeling?"

"Very relieved."

"You're not the only one!" Charles gave a choked off laugh. "It was frightening-I thought I was going to lose you!"

"Oh, Charles!" I kissed him deeply. "I wouldn't leave you for the world!"

"I'm glad," before he could stop it, a tear went down his cheek. "our children are with their friends for tonight and most of tomorrow."

"All right. You go on home and get some sleep. You look exhausted."

"See how well you'd look if our places were reversed," chortling a few times, Charles sat on the lounger and watched me. "I'm not leaving here until tomorrow when I get our children."

"You're too good to me."

We'd been married for about 15 years at that point and the devotion was absolutely there. Fifteen years, two kids, a house and a yacht. I had a practice, Charles had some chicken farming and real estate development which was going quite well. He missed the life of the sea but if he missed it badly, he could always use the yacht. There, he was the dictator!

Will turned 11 in 1928, Angie turned 7 in June 1928 as well. My kids were growing up! Charles had begun to teach Will all about the ways of the merchant mariner, often taking him and his pals out on overnight trips in the yacht. Angie didn't much care for the yacht as she stayed home with me. Charles was 43 and I was 37 respectively. Wesley, Will's best buddy, was 10 and Florence was almost 14 years old now. Mike was about 10, and Sam's twins were around 8 or 9 years old. Angie's pal was Eleanor, Herbert and Prudence Pitman's little girl. Eleanor was 1 year older than Angie but they behaved like sisters towards each other.

"Kat, I've been thinking about something," Charles shaved himself one morning while I put on my skirt and shrugged into a green chiffon blouse. "do you want to go for our third child or are you happy with the way things are?"

"Um, we can try. We did agree on 3 kids when we first got married." I turned to him as I put on my gold colored necklace. He smiled and hugged me, kissing me deeply.

"What are you doing today while the kids are at school?"

"Well I was going to do some housework, but it can wait." I winked at my husband and took off his derby. Charles gave me a dirty grin, picked me up, then threw me on the bed!

We frolicked around on that cold April day and as time went by, I ended up nursing my two children through a bad bout of the flu. Half the city was stricken and I had my own two children to look after. I could not spare my time to be a doctor, as I had to be a mother first. Will seemed to bounce back fairly quickly, as he was a tough little guy and could withstand many things. Angie was similar in her brother, but a little more delicate in her constitution. She needed a few more days of care but she came back to her old self.

In May, the furthest thing from my mind was another child on the way, but I noticed some nausea and vaginal spotting. I did a physical exam on myself and surely enough, I was a few weeks pregnant. Sam and James Moody had their 3 children and they weren't having any more, Prudence and Herbert Pitman had their daughter Eleanor and Prudence's health I didn't think could take on the added burden of another pregnancy. Joseph and Elaine Boxhall had Alexandria, though I didn't know if they were planning to extend their family any. Ellen and Harold Lowe had Florence and Michael, Harold seemed content with two children.

When the kids were off from school that summer, we had a month long voyage on _Sundowner_, going to the German coast of Dunkirk and surveying the land, taking pictures. Charles called me the photographer of the family and we had a lot of fun that month! The kids had a blast in the little bunkroom and we switched off captaining the yacht.

Like always, I kept my pregnancy a secret until the kids were back in school. One day after they left, I hitched up my shirt and appraised the small bump growing inside of me. Charles had just gotten out of bed and was looking bleary eyed until he came back from the bathroom, his hair slicked back and wet.

"Oh Charles, look at this." I showed him the cantaloupe sized ball in my belly. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

He looked at it blankly at first then realized the significance. "Oh! Well, always room for one more, wouldn't you say?"

"Not inside me there isn't. I couldn't be like poor Sam," I giggled as Charles necked me. "I think one inside me is challenging enough. I'll get all bloated and lose lap space over time."

"That's part of the sacrifice of having babies."

"Yes and this is the last time! I'm getting too old for this." giggling, I allowed him to make out with me.

The fall weather came and I spent that time looking after my patients, strewing leaves over the gardens, tidying up, etc. Angie helped me as Will helped Charles take care of the chickens. He had just sold a fine batch to a grocer and the eggs were in demand everywhere we looked. Charles was justifiably proud of how well the flock was laying and he made some changes to the routine care of the poultry crowd, which resulted in more success.

"Ma?" Angie was swinging her legs on an Adirondack chair in the back garden while I raked up the leaves.

"Yes, honey?"

"Daddy said not to say anything, but I think you're getting a little plump."

I chuckled. "Where would you get that idea, sweetie?"

"Because you do look that way." she got up and put her hands on the bulge that was her future sibling.

"Well, I think you have a doctor's eye." I smiled and sat down, letting the bulge jut out a little bit. I had just crossed into the fourth month and I was looking bigger. My daughter put her hands on the belly and looked up at me.

"Do you think I could be a doctor, Mama?"

"Yes. I think you can be anything you want, Angel." I kissed her cheek and we covered up the back gardens with the leaves.

That December, we had the usual Christmas party at our house. Our friends stopped by with their kids, Angie, Alex, Sally, and Eleanor had formed a little team of their own while Wesley, Will, John, and Mike went off in the other direction. It was boys against girls all the way, excepting Florence.

"Well, we have a new party piece!" Sam teased. "Just like our first Christmas together during the war."

"Yes and this is the last time Charles gets me up the duff." I ran my hands over the bulge thoughtfully, feeling several kicks from within. "I did a little math and discovered that number 3 here was conceived on the 16th anniversary of the sinking." nobody had to ask for clarification.

"When will you have the baby?"

"Sometime in late February."

The party went on like usual and the boys tried to wage war against the girls, which we had to put a stop to. Irritated, I had the kids go outside in the backyard to run off their boundless energy. We adults talked and gossiped until it was time to go.

My baby was to me, ready to be born right after the party! My body was tired and sore and I got no peace trying to sleep anymore. Charles propped me up so I was at an angle and the weight was off my big belly. I managed to relax and fall asleep then.

Will had quickly figured out that I was pregnant, remembering the time that I was pregnant with Angie and I had told him then what was going on. He was blase about it and already showing an aptitude for the sea. As soon as he turned 13, Charles would apprentice him to the White Star Line, who was rumored to be merging with Cunard.

The baby inside me was more than eager to be born, judging by the kicks and assaults I got from it. I threatened to cut Charles's penis off if he came at me without protection now and he just laughed, frustrating me some.

Finally, one night in February, I woke up, went to the loo, and was just standing up when I felt a gush and knew that my water had broken. The children were asleep in bed, so I rousted out Charles and we went next door to my clinic. He remembered what to do and when to do them, coaching me through labor and talking me through the pushing. My baby's head came down, it slid into the birth canal, engaging it, and then I bore down hard to get it to come out all the way.

"I think it's stuck!"

"You have to reach in and turn it!" I told him, panting. Bravely he did so and we had a wriggling little girl to contend with now. Charles called her Jennifer Reese.


	21. Chapter 21

Will went on to be apprenticed at sea with the Cunard line, as White Star merged with them and then White Star went out entirely. He went on to become a successful lieutenant in the navy when the second world war came to our attentions. We were all distraught over the December 7th attack on Pearl Harbor. Charles got called out to Dunkirk with the yacht to help in the rescue of the stranded sailors with Will's help. I couldn't go because I had been assigned with Boxhall to the _Aquitania_. Lowe and Moody again commanded their own destroyers and as luck would have it, they sank a few enemy U boats.

In 1942, Will was on board the American aircraft carrier _Yorktown_ when we heard it had been strafed by enemy bombers and torpedoed at sea. Charles, Angie, Jen and I waited anxiously for news and we got word that Will had been saved.

Finally in April of 1945, the concentration camps in Germany were liberated and the war was over. Will was decorated for his services as Charles and I looked proudly on. He went on to marry Florence Lowe and she bore him 3 kids, Harold, Charles, and Katrina. She was the strict disciplinarian of the family, much like her father was before her. We all got along splendidly and became doting grandparents.

Angie became a doctor and served like I did, on ships. She saved many lives, was ranked a lieutenant in the navy, then married Wesley Moody. She gave him 2 kids, Roger and Anna. Wesley was a commander in the navy and he made captain on the Cunard ships. We mourned when the _Olympic_ and _Mauretania_ were taken to the scrapyards, the end of an era, and then turned our sights to the other ships coming out. Like I told my children and in laws, there was no sense in living in the past.

Our youngest, Jennifer, had a promising career at sea herself. She became the second junior officer and was only a little ways away from getting promoted when a German U boat torpedoed the ship she was on and it killed her. Charles and I buried her, devastated. He had always thought she was his special little girl and knew she would make it big in her career. Sadly, she did not survive-she died just 2 months before peace was declared. Through the army, we buried her decently and we visited her grave every year on the day she died.

Brannigan retired from the navy just after the war was over and ran a small practice like I did until he became ill and died in 1968.

Harold died in 1946 just after the war ended, leaving behind his grandchildren and children. Ellen followed him in 1950. Between those times she lived with us, happy to have other people around her to cheer her up.

Sam and James Moody remained our closest friends until Sam died in 1960, James died in 1965. Joseph Boxhall died in 1966, Elaine died a few months after him from a bad bout of pneumonia. Herbert and Prudence Pitman died within days of each other, as both had come down with scarlet fever. Herbert died December 7th, 1961 and Prudence died about a week after he did. I did the best I could to treat them, but they were too old and tired to fight anymore and in the end, I couldn't blame them.

My dear Charles died December 8th, 1952. I woke up the next day and found him dead beside me, still clutching at me like he could take me with him. I was devastated, though Will was home and he took charge of his father's funeral for me. I invited my son and his family to come and move in with me, which they did. I served in the same capacity as our dearly departed Mrs. Rooks, modeling my behavior on her liveliness that I still missed after all those years.

Bequeathing _Sundowner _to Will and Angie to share, in 1969, I departed the mortal life.

EPILOGUE

"Well, I believe I told you once before that this uniform looks quite fetching on you," a Scottish voice told me playfully as I opened up my eyes, finding myself on the deck of a ship. I was wearing my surgeon's uniform in dark blue. Turning around, I saw Will Murdoch! I threw my arms around him and sobbed as to how much I missed him. He shed a few tears himself, telling me that he'd looked after me every second and he was glad I had fulfilled my promise.

"Come on now, they're waiting." we greeted Captain Smith and Wilde, both telling me how well I did fulfill my promise and they were proud of me. All the officers except one were assembled around the grand staircase. I craned my neck to look around when someone in a merchant marine uniform approached me.

"Hello, Mom."

"My dear Jennifer!" I hugged and kissed her. "I missed you so much!"

"Back at you, Mom." she returned it and kissed me on the cheek.

"Are you done?" a playful voice asked.

"Oh, Charles!" I bounded up the stairs and kissed him deeply. "Sweetheart!" he echoed this and swung me around in a circle. The other officers came up to us and I welcomed everyone's hugs. It was all I ever wanted, to be back on _Titanic_ with the people that I loved in life. I took a moment and looked up at the shining great glass dome, smiling as the warm sun filtered down and the light trickled onto my shoulders. This truly was heaven.

THE END


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